Dogo wrote:

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TV Buff wrote: Dogo wrote: Yes, I also said to SAVE him (as in a life or death)...... staying in a bad relationship with the ASSUMPTION that he MIGHT be a happier kid is not quite that extreme........ that would be like saying I'll sell my soul to the devil so he can have a playstation not happeningAnd I honestly think my kid is as happy, or more, as any other kid from a non broken family Okay, wait a sec, though. What if your kid wants you all for himself and will manipulate you into being single forever? How would you deal with that? I'm not saying he does or would, but aren't some kids precocious enough to know that they're the (single) parent's whole world and that the parent would do anything to make the thing happy, even stay alone for his sake? Like I said, you are a parent, but you're also a person who has a right to have a life. Where do you draw the line? And how much sacrifice is too much sacrifice? yes, it's not the case, my kid, as young as he is, actually encourages me to find a "girlfriend", but if the oppsite were true, I think I could live with that, I'm not necesarily unhappy because I'm not in a relationship. It probably would be nice, but you know...The same way that if I fall for someone and that someone does not get along with my children i would likely end the relationshipThe line is blurry, and I guess I'll know only when I find myself in a specific situation, but it's certainly more important to me to have agood loving relationship with my kid, than it is with a potential partner

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Well you know what, lucky you that tour kid encourages you to have a girlfriend, my kid on the other hand doesn't say anything about me having a boyfriend, I am not saying that I am going to let hime control my life, but so far I haven't found my other half or I haven't fallen in love with nobody, but if I do fall in love and tha person doesn't get along with my kid will I guess the relationship is over.

TV Buff wrote:

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Dogo wrote: Yes, I also said to SAVE him (as in a life or death)...... staying in a bad relationship with the ASSUMPTION that he MIGHT be a happier kid is not quite that extreme........ that would be like saying I'll sell my soul to the devil so he can have a playstation not happeningAnd I honestly think my kid is as happy, or more, as any other kid from a non broken family Okay, wait a sec, though. What if your kid wants you all for himself and will manipulate you into being single forever? How would you deal with that? I'm not saying he does or would, but aren't some kids precocious enough to know that they're the (single) parent's whole world and that the parent would do anything to make the thing happy, even stay alone for his sake? Like I said, you are a parent, but you're also a person who has a right to have a life. Where do you draw the line? And how much sacrifice is too much sacrifice?

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yes, it's not the case, my kid, as young as he is, actually encourages me to find a "girlfriend", but if the oppsite were true, I think I could live with that, I'm not necesarily unhappy because I'm not in a relationship. It probably would be nice, but you know...
The same way that if I fall for someone and that someone does not get along with my children i would likely end the relationship
The line is blurry, and I guess I'll know only when I find myself in a specific situation, but it's certainly more important to me to have agood loving relationship with my kid, than it is with a potential partner

Dogo wrote:

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Marky Mark wrote: Dogo wrote: True... and I want to make this clear, because I think my previous post could be misreadI will do ANYTHING for my kid, I'll sell my soul to the devil if it mean to save him, and truly is the MOST important thing in my life, no questionBut to sacrifice a WHOLE life to make my child mildly happier (if happier at all) is only an assumption, and is not a fair tadeBTW, my kid is a very happy kid Ok, no joking here... but I understood you until you tried to explain yourself... what do you mean WHOLE life? isn't selling your soul giving up your life (metaphorically speaking)? Yes, I also said to SAVE him (as in a life or death)...... staying in a bad relationship with the ASSUMPTION that he MIGHT be a happier kid is not quite that extreme........ that would be like saying I'll sell my soul to the devil so he can have a playstation not happeningAnd I honestly think my kid is as happy, or more, as any other kid from a non broken family

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I totally share Dogo's sentiments on this.  My kids are my life, and everyone that knows me knows this about me.  I am very defensive and protective of people I love to an extent, but for my kids I dont care who`s who and I fight for them till the bitter end.   But I think that kids would rather come from a broken home then live in one.  So I think one can put up with a lot of crap for the sake of their kids but at the same time one gets fed up and then you have to look to be happy too because if you`re not happy and content, your kids wont be either.  I want my kids to know and have all of me instead of some half-assed counterfeit, because children learn by what they live.

my daddy passed away about 9 years ago...

Dogo wrote:

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Yes, I also said to SAVE him (as in a life or death)...... staying in a bad relationship with the ASSUMPTION that he MIGHT be a happier kid is not quite that extreme........ that would be like saying I'll sell my soul to the devil so he can have a playstation not happeningAnd I honestly think my kid is as happy, or more, as any other kid from a non broken family

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Okay, wait a sec, though. What if your kid wants you all for himself and will manipulate you into being single forever? How would you deal with that? I'm not saying he does or would, but aren't some kids precocious enough to know that they're the (single) parent's whole world and that the parent would do anything to make the thing happy, even stay alone for his sake? Like I said, you are a parent, but you're also a person who has a right to have a life. Where do you draw the line? And how much sacrifice is too much sacrifice?

McOSIRIS wrote:

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it takes a man to be a dad....
Salud...

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Otherwise you call her mom.

Dogo wrote:

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Yes, I also said to SAVE him (as in a life or death)...... staying in a bad relationship with the ASSUMPTION that he MIGHT be a happier kid is not quite that extreme........ that would be like saying I'll sell my soul to the devil so he can have a playstation not happeningAnd I honestly think my kid is as happy, or more, as any other kid from a non broken family

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u got a point.... I wouldn't expose my kid to negative vibes his whole life. I think that would be even worse for his sentimental development than staying with either one of the parents.

Te aplaudo la forma en la cual te expresas de tu hijo.... it takes a man to be a dad....

Salud...

how old are your kids..?

I got boy turning 6 in June....the best that ever happen to me...love him to death..

Marky Mark wrote:

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Dogo wrote: True... and I want to make this clear, because I think my previous post could be misreadI will do ANYTHING for my kid, I'll sell my soul to the devil if it mean to save him, and truly is the MOST important thing in my life, no questionBut to sacrifice a WHOLE life to make my child mildly happier (if happier at all) is only an assumption, and is not a fair tadeBTW, my kid is a very happy kid Ok, no joking here... but I understood you until you tried to explain yourself... what do you mean WHOLE life? isn't selling your soul giving up your life (metaphorically speaking)?

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Yes, I also said to SAVE him (as in a life or death)...... staying in a bad relationship with the ASSUMPTION that he MIGHT be a happier kid is not quite that extreme........ that would be like saying I'll sell my soul to the devil so he can have a playstation not happening
And I honestly think my kid is as happy, or more, as any other kid from a non broken family

Dogo wrote:

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I'm sorry, and I hope I don't offend you, but I don't agree AT ALL
 

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No offence taken, I not here trying to CONVERT anyone, just posting my opinions which seems to be working for me...

Salsera de Corazon wrote:

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Dogo wrote: El Mismo wrote: TV Buff wrote: El Mismo wrote: i don't think if there is no quality there wont be quantaty.... Not always. I've seen many cases of what Rocio Durcal used to call "la costumbre being mas fuerte que el amor." People who stick together for appearances' sake, because it's easier to stay together than face the world alone, for the kids, for finances... plenty of reasons. yes i've heard this...but evetually they separate...or not? they are hanging by a thread. once the kids, the finace and more are gone they find them selfs not knowing why they should be together anymore. It all comes down to having jesus be the center of the marriage, he is the glue that will withstand all. I'm sorry, and I hope I don't offend you, but I don't agree AT ALL And I CERTAINLY do not take marriage lightly (as it may come across) but I think our generation is a bit more rational when it comes to things like this, we also tend to put a lot more emphasis on HOW we live OUR lives, in terms of "happiness" "life standard" etc.... selfish? maybe (although I don't think so) I guess we also realize that life is too short to live it miserably, and to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of "el que diran" "the children" or Jesus (in your case) is a HUGE sacrifice of YOUR LIFE to be even considered, I think    I agree with you on this, it is not good to stay in an unhealthy relationship, not good for the couple and specially the kids

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True... and I want to make this clear, because I think my previous post could be misread
I will do ANYTHING for my kid, I'll sell my soul to the devil if it mean to save him, and truly is the MOST important thing in my life, no question
But to sacrifice a WHOLE life to make my child mildly happier (if happier at all) is only an assumption, and is not a fair tade
BTW, my kid is a very happy kid

TV Buff wrote:

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El Mismo wrote:
It all comes down to having jesus be the center of the marriage, he is the glue that will withstand all.
That, to me, is the wrong reason to stay together. A couple can be parents, but they should never stop being a couple. The kids go away. The couple stays. That should be the glue that sticks the marriage together.

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Iam not sure what to say to you, I have been listening more for the last 4 months to the priest than ever before also at my marriage classes at church that the religion (jesus) teaches us to respect, love your self, love one and other, teach to forgive, to listen to your parner better, to communicate better and many more stuff, I been applying this to my current relationship and is helping us alot, I find my self much happier and so does she...( the forgive part is the hardest, but once you do it. its such a load of you chest) BUT THIS IS ME.

Dogo wrote:

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I'm sorry, and I hope I don't offend you, but I don't agree AT ALL And I CERTAINLY do not take marriage lightly (as it may come across) but I think our generation is a bit more rational when it comes to things like this, we also tend to put a lot more emphasis on HOW we live OUR lives, in terms of "happiness" "life standard" etc.... selfish? maybe (although I don't think so) I guess we also realize that life is too short to live it miserably, and to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of "el que diran" "the children" or Jesus (in your case) is a HUGE sacrifice of YOUR LIFE to be even considered, I think 

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So true !

Dogo wrote:

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El Mismo wrote: TV Buff wrote: El Mismo wrote: i don't think if there is no quality there wont be quantaty.... Not always. I've seen many cases of what Rocio Durcal used to call "la costumbre being mas fuerte que el amor." People who stick together for appearances' sake, because it's easier to stay together than face the world alone, for the kids, for finances... plenty of reasons. yes i've heard this...but evetually they separate...or not? they are hanging by a thread. once the kids, the finace and more are gone they find them selfs not knowing why they should be together anymore. It all comes down to having jesus be the center of the marriage, he is the glue that will withstand all. I'm sorry, and I hope I don't offend you, but I don't agree AT ALL And I CERTAINLY do not take marriage lightly (as it may come across) but I think our generation is a bit more rational when it comes to things like this, we also tend to put a lot more emphasis on HOW we live OUR lives, in terms of "happiness" "life standard" etc.... selfish? maybe (although I don't think so) I guess we also realize that life is too short to live it miserably, and to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of "el que diran" "the children" or Jesus (in your case) is a HUGE sacrifice of YOUR LIFE to be even considered, I think 

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I agree with you on this, it is not good to stay in an unhealthy relationship, not good for the couple and specially the kids

Marky Mark wrote:

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Bainaman wrote: TV No a days....it's at the first sign of problems.....that people jump ship and get divorced. Remember, its how they were raised compared to our more liberal way of living. We are taught that if we don't like something then look for something else. Plus seeing so much crap on tv and movies and the lives of celebs isn't helping with the fidelity issue. People tell you marriage is work... but you will never understand it until you are in one. And to answer the question, my folks are together after 39 years (in December) many times I wish they didn't stay together, just to set a better example. BTW, LB, you never answered your own question.

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Well said M & M.  Sometimes by staying in relationships like that "for the sake of the kids and appearances", you are teaching your children to "compromise" and not in good way.  You are showing them compromise in the sense that "it`s ok to be unhappy as long as you look like a nice happy family, and it is ok to put up with other people`s crap all the time."

@Baina - I dont think that when the public becomes aware it`s "the first sign of trouble". I think by the time it explodes, there`s already a history of problems.  Believe me, some people have incredible patience and put up with stuff for many years but when you reach your breaking point, there`s usually no going back.

TV Buff wrote:

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El Mismo wrote:
i don't think if there is no quality there wont be quantaty....
Not always. I've seen many cases of what Rocio Durcal used to call "la costumbre being mas fuerte que el amor." People who stick together for appearances' sake, because it's easier to stay together than face the world alone, for the kids, for finances... plenty of reasons.

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yes i've heard this...but evetually they separate...or not? they are hanging by a thread.

once the kids, the finace and more are gone they find them selfs not knowing why they should be together anymore.

It all comes down to having jesus be the center of the marriage, he is the glue that will withstand all.

@ Genie and Buffy, I've seen so many cases like that, it's not even funny.

And it made me furious all the time because I can not understand why pplee stick together if unfortunately there is nothing to be saved.

El Mismo wrote:

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my parents having married for 40 yrs with 7 kids. and my self is getting married this summer as well. Alot of divorces are happening bacause we are building our marriages based on money, materials and when there are problems with money everything falls apart, but if marriages are build based on god, the marriage could withstand many more problems and not break apart. I see this example with my parents.-- Edited by El Mismo at 11:20, 2006-05-09

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jajaja I read it before the editing ! Tobad for me I did not react then !

But I don't agree with you on that point ! Even ot now it says "a lot"

TV Buff wrote:

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On a related note, and because I see a lot of "my parents have been together for 25, 30 years", we all know that divorce wasn't much of a choice way back when. My question is, have your parents been "happily" married or just married. Does it make a difference to you in your own relationships to see not so much the time they've been together, but the quality of their relationship?

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           I KNOW A COUPLE FRIENDS OF MY MOM AND THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ABOUT 35YRS NOW AND ARE TOGETHER FOR THE "KIDS" MIND U THEY ARE GROWN UP AND HAVE LIVES! LOLLOL I GUESS THEY ARE JUST TOGETHER CUZ THEY KNOW NO DIFFERENT! BUT THERE NOT HAPPY HE CHEATS ALL THE TIME AND WE EVEN SHE KNOWS IT!

i don't think if there is no quality there wont be quantaty....

I think the reason why there are divorces is because many of us believe in the romanic relationship.  The type of relationship where things start off as people falling in love.  Romantic relationships are however mostly based on infatuation.  Anyway, eventually marriage happens and since it lacks the "real" love (Mary J. Blige - hehehe) - divorce becomes the option.  The flame that started the relationship is gone and all you have left is the "real" person you so most often didn't see in the beginning.  How long do you think one should wait for marriage before saying the BIG words "I DO" ?  I personally think at least two years - and that's the least mind you- .

my parents having married for 40 yrs with 7 kids.

and my self is getting married this summer as well.

Alot of divorces are happening bacause we are building our marriages based on money, materials and when there are problems with money everything falls apart,

but if marriages are build based on god, the marriage could withstand many more problems and not break apart. I see this example with my parents.

-- Edited by El Mismo at 11:20, 2006-05-09

My parents have been married for 30 yrs. Looks like they took it very serious when they said "until death do us apart"....

I wish I can follow their steps...

PARENTS GO DIVORCED WHEN I WAS 10 YRS OLD! WERE MARRIED FOR 10YRS BEFORE THE DIVORCE! AND NOW BOTH ARE REMARRIED HAVE KIDS IN THERE NEW MARRIAGES AND THERE THE BEST LITTLE SISTERS AND BROTHER I HAVE!

I AM CURRENTLY DIVORCING AND AM HAPPILY LIVING WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!