My favourite part is her fear of Mexicans! THE MEXICANS ARE COMING!!!! damn she's stupid..

Jan. 20, 2006

If Paris Hilton's testimony in a $10 million defamation suit tells us anything, it's that she's not going to grow old gracefully. In transcripts from her November deposition (obtained by the good folks at TMZ.com), the bubble-headed blond, 24, repeatedly refers to lawsuit-filer Zeta Graff, the former flame of her ex-fiancé Paris Latsis, as an "old lady."

And just how ancient is Zeta, according to Paris? A doddering 43 (other reports put her in her mid-thirties).

For those who have better things to do in life than to keep track of Hilton's legal problems, here's the back-story: Graff accuses her of planting a story in the New York Post's Page Six alleging she "went berserk" and tried to snatch a $4 million diamond necklace from Paris' neck after they ran into each other at a London nightclub last July (the jewel was on loan from Graff Diamonds, owned by Zeta's ex-husband).

Hilton fesses up in the deposition that the story is so much fiction, but denies she was the one who had Page Six on speed dial. In earlier testimony, however, her former publicist, Rob Shuter, claims the information came straight from her, right down to the quotes from anonymous sources.

When asked what actually occurred during her tête-à-tête with Graff, an unabashed Paris recalls, "I just said to her... she is old and should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people. And just that -- I just -- what else did I say? Just that she is not cute at all."

She also reveals how she called her sister Nicky to tell her about the encounter, babbling, "I was just, 'Oh my God, I saw Zeta last night.' And she was like, 'Who?' And I'm like, 'That old lady, whatever, da-da-da-da.' And she was like, 'What happened?' And I'm like, 'Nothing. I just called her ugly and old and told her she was desperate and that she was trying to be famous.'"

Nicky's, like, totally sympathetic response: "Oh, that is so funny."

The vacant starlet goes on to testify that she calls Graff an "old lady" because it's been her nickname for years (the moniker, she says, was coined by Latsis' mother).

"I don't even say her name," explains Paris (and yes, we realize she used her name when detailing her phone call to Nicky, but let's not get hung up on minor discrepancies, people ...). "We just call her old lady."

Hilton also cops to yelling "old lady" out her car window after spotting Graff in a parking lot following an L.A. fashion event last year, but blames the outburst on her onetime Greek moneybags beau, who, she claims, had dubbed his ex a "psycho."

"Paris told me to say it," she deflects.

As for Graff's romance with the dewy Latsis, the seemingly gerontophobia-afflicted Paris (definition: fear of old people and growing old -- really) sniffs, "I'm 24-years-old and she's 43, so for her to be dating a 21-year-old ... It's old for me. Yeah. She's my mom's age."

But it turns out the self-involved celebutante doesn't just have strong opinions on aging. Here are some other guffaw-worthy bon mots from her deposition:

On her people skills: "If something happens bad to someone, I just don't talk to them again. I don't confront people. I don't do anything."

On being kind to others: "I was trying to be nice. Because if you are nice to someone, then they can't talk bad about you. Like, they'll feel bad saying mean things about you."

On the impact of technology: "Whatever I write in an email, it doesn't mean anything. It is just words I write."

On interpersonal relationships: "I meet so many people. I don't even know some of my friends' names."

On her former publicist referring to Graff as a "stalker" in the Page Six piece: "I would never say stalking. I'm not like a dude. Like, I think a girl can only stalk a guy. She can't really stalk another girl."

On her deep knowledge of Greek culture: "It is like a weird Greek name. Like Douglas or ..."

On whether she knew that "U.K. publications" had picked up the Graff item: "No ... there is stuff in London." When her lawyer points out that "London is a U.K. publication," Paris replies, "Right. U.K. Whatever."

On globetrotting: "I was in Europe the whole summer, and all there is is like French -- I didn't see anything [about the Graff story] because I wasn't in America."

On the physical impact of the deposition: "I'm so hungry."

On Graff's alleged plan to bring down Paris and Paris: "[Latsis] said that she was going to do voodoo on me. And I kind of do believe in that stuff a little bit, so I was a little bit scared about that ... " Continues Hilton, "[Latsis] said that she threatened to send Mexican people to come and beat the [bleep] out of him."

The deposition concludes with a worried Paris asking, "This is not going to the media, right?" Told that it wasn't, she sighed, "Good."