What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan


What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? 
 A speech impediment.

     

 What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethis****....    

 Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides