"Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning."

"Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower."

"Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes."

"Never bug a pregnant mom."

"Don't ever be too full for dessert."

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him."

"Never tell your mom her diet's not working."

"Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat."

"When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone."

"Never spit when on a roller coaster."

"Never do pranks at a police station."

"Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving."

"Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do."

"Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand."

"Listen to your brain. It has lots of information."

"Stay away from prunes."

"Never dare your little brother to paint the family car."

"Forget the cake, go for the icing."

"Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and Grandma's house."