If I got asked to sign a pre-nup, it wouldn't leave a very good impression. I'd like to think that the person I'm going to marry knows I won't screw her over, otherwise it would raise some questions as to if she really wants to marry me, or ttrusts me, or not
How would the other person "know" for sure that you won't screw her over? There are no gaurantees in life?
Whose to say that you Mr. Nice Guy is not going to do a 180 and turn into Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde?
lol.... No no, I definitely don't think I'm Mr Nice guy. If anything I was putting in a good word for my ex, not me.
We'll never agree on this. Bottom line is.... If I can't trust you, from financial standpoint (Sorry, but that's what a pre-nup is, no matter how you sugar-coat it) I'm not marrying you, and IF you can't trust me, I ain't marrying you either
You're right, there are no guarantees, but I don't think one should go into marriage with a "just in case" document. It totally defeats the purpose. If that's the case, it would probably be wiser to stay away from marriage all together. It's not for everyone. Nothing wrong with that either
You have valid points and I can see your side of it. That is how I was raised too.
Personally, I've never done a pre-nup but I'm not closed to the idea either.
I'm not opposed to marriage or living together....Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't rush into any of the two.
If I got asked to sign a pre-nup, it wouldn't leave a very good impression. I'd like to think that the person I'm going to marry knows I won't screw her over, otherwise it would raise some questions as to if she really wants to marry me, or ttrusts me, or not
How would the other person "know" for sure that you won't screw her over? There are no gaurantees in life?
Whose to say that you Mr. Nice Guy is not going to do a 180 and turn into Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde?
lol.... No no, I definitely don't think I'm Mr Nice guy. If anything I was putting in a good word for my ex, not me.
We'll never agree on this. Bottom line is.... If I can't trust you, from financial standpoint (Sorry, but that's what a pre-nup is, no matter how you sugar-coat it) I'm not marrying you, and IF you can't trust me, I ain't marrying you either
You're right, there are no guarantees, but I don't think one should go into marriage with a "just in case" document. It totally defeats the purpose. If that's the case, it would probably be wiser to stay away from marriage all together. It's not for everyone. Nothing wrong with that either
__________________
The opinions expressed by this poster should always be considered offensive to Guadalupipi.
I have mixed feelings about this.... IF I have to even consider a pre-nup, then I would most definitely think twice about marrying or living with this person. Probably deep down, I KNOW this is not the right person for me (at the very least, I don't trust her) so why marry/live together to begin with. That being said, I can see how it is necesary if you are loaded or have a big enterprise pre marriage
I know and I agree with your point man..BUT most of the time it doesn't work that way . Almost everytime when things get bitter people change to their nasty mood and it doesnt get nicer they get nastier.
On my personal case I wasn't/ain't loaded, an average hard worker, and I was taken to the cleaners at the point where I didn't have where to sleep (In fact I will be forever grateful to a foro member for offer me her couch to crash...you know who you are ..thank very much!) and at this point I'm not willing to give away the little I've done. I think if you are aware of the consequences before to get in a relationship at least you know the possible turns that your future can take.
My opinion is based on my past experience and I rather to be sure that both will be fine in the case that doesn't work instead going in a legal battle.
I mentioned the "loaded" bit, because I'm sure there are many "gold-digger" cases, and I'm sure many men have fallen for that. In that case, I would definitely consider a pre-nup, but the average person...
Maybe I'm naïve, I dunno, but I think if you're willing to take that leap of faith, you have to take it full force and be willing to put everything on the line. If you can't, then don't get married to that person If I would even be able to bring myself to ASK for a pre-nup, I would already know that right then and there, it would be the beginning of the end of my relationship. It just simply means I'm not 100% confident in the person. I wouldn't marry, or be with, someone that I feel that way about.
I dunno, if it comes with experience or age (or luck), but I like to think I can read people pretty well. I've always been really picky when it came to people's (partners) personalities. As soon as I see the most miniscule thing, that I can't live with (at least traits that are important to me), or have a nasty streak, I`m out of there like no tomorrow.
I guess, like you, my opinion is based on my own experience.
In a nutshell, for example: At the time of my separation we settled, amongst ourselves, our finances (mostly the house). Only verbally. The home was valued at an X amount of money, so we settled based on that. I wanted the home, so I gave her my share and kept it (without a receipt or written agreement, other than our verbal agreement) and away we went. About a year later I was approached by someone that wanted to buy the house (a developer) The house was still on both our names. The house sold for nearly double than what we had settled for. I asked her if she would sign the sale and she agreed. I'm not going to lie... I was crapping my pants right until the moment of signinig, but I had faith. She came, and she sign, no questions asked. She kept her word, stuck to our agreement, and never asked for a dime. I would've done the same with/for her, and I wouldn't marry anyone that I wouldn't KNOW I could expect the same from.
Moraleja: It doesn't matter if you don't get along as a couple/romantically, for whatever reasons. It happens. Just make sure that, AT LEAST, you marry a good person
If I got asked to sign a pre-nup, it wouldn't leave a very good impression. I'd like to think that the person I'm going to marry knows I won't screw her over, otherwise it would raise some questions as to if she really wants to marry me, or ttrusts me, or not
How would the other person "know" for sure that you won't screw her over? There are no gaurantees in life?
Whose to say that you Mr. Nice Guy is not going to do a 180 and turn into Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde?
Why would you take the 50% if you know it doesn't belong to you (rhetorical question) I guess my point is: If you're honest and the person you end up is no less than you, you wouldn't take advantage of her (or vice versa), and just take your 30% and walk away.
Then again, I do get your point, and I guess my scenario is in "a perfect world" and yes, I also agree, not everything/one is exactly what they seem, but I think I'd rather try to sort the good from the bad, than assume the person could potentially be 'bad'. If I got asked to sign a pre-nup, it wouldn't leave a very good impression. I'd like to think that the person I'm going to marry knows I won't screw her over, otherwise it would raise some questions as to if she really wants to marry me, or ttrusts me, or not
__________________
The opinions expressed by this poster should always be considered offensive to Guadalupipi.
We live in a very materialistic society and that is an attraction to some people.
I agree that you have to go into a marriage with your whole heart and best of intentions but at the end of the road when things could possible go soar that person is thinking about themselves and not you!
Very few people can maintain a friendship or even talk to eachother once broken up. If you are one of those few, then you are very fortunate....but how many times can that happen?
They way I see it...I work hard for what I have and have achieved and it would kill me if someone left me on the street with nothing!
I wouldn't totally rule out a pre-nup! After all, if they are trying to avoid signing one then I would raise an eyebrow. I wouldn't have a problem signing one if I have good intentions.
I totally agree with you...and on my ca se If Im dating a chick and she asks me for a prenup I'm totally cool.....
If she works hard and she put 70% of the down payment and I only put 30% why should I be entitled to 50% of the proceeds...not fair...works both ways
latina4evrgp wrote:Very few people can maintain a friendship or even talk to eachother once broken up. If you are one of those few, then you are very fortunate....but how many times can that happen?
Obviously if there is a divorce/separation, things are not working out; but once you have kids, it's in the best interest of the kids that you learn to AT LEAST manage your differences in a civilized manner.
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Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
We live in a very materialistic society and that is an attraction to some people.
I agree that you have to go into a marriage with your whole heart and best of intentions but at the end of the road when things could possible go soar that person is thinking about themselves and not you!
Very few people can maintain a friendship or even talk to eachother once broken up. If you are one of those few, then you are very fortunate....but how many times can that happen?
They way I see it...I work hard for what I have and have achieved and it would kill me if someone left me on the street with nothing!
I wouldn't totally rule out a pre-nup! After all, if they are trying to avoid signing one then I would raise an eyebrow. I wouldn't have a problem signing one if I have good intentions.
If you have ie. property/ a car or say a separate account before you are married is that not negotiable when it comes time to split in divorce? After all it was yours when you were single?
By law....whatever you bring to the marriage is considered mutual. For instance if you own a house and you get married and LIVE IN that house and down the road things go wrong that house that you purchased before the marriage..You ex has rights to the 50% of it, because it was the marital home.
What you do to avoid that...You keep your property and rent it out and you and your partner rent/purchase another one that way you don't have to split what you have own previously to the marriage BUT the new house where both live has to be split 50%-50%
GET A PRENUP no matter what
thanks for the clarification. My friend did what u mentioned in the second paragraph.
I think that I won't take it the wrong way if the person I am going to marry ask me for to sign a pre-nup . Some people just need to feel secure in case anything goes wrong down the road. I am not sure if I would ask my future husband for a pre-nup unless I have a good amount of assets. As Dogo said you have to be sure of the person you are going to marry or live together with.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this and each case is different and as noted on Dogo's and God's opinions, it is based on personal experiences. I tend to side more with Dogo's view for my separation experience was pretty smooth as well and to this date, based solely on a verbal understanding/agreement. There was no need for paperwork, as it was not needed since I never signed a marriage certificate, nor was there a house to split. We still trust each other and respect our verbal agreement. In our view, it was best for us to discuss/decide what we were going to do in an amicable way, without lawyers. That way, we both save ourselves headaches, and the money that would have gone to lawyers can be better spent on our kiddo, or elsewhere.
__________________
Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
I have mixed feelings about this.... IF I have to even consider a pre-nup, then I would most definitely think twice about marrying or living with this person. Probably deep down, I KNOW this is not the right person for me (at the very least, I don't trust her) so why marry/live together to begin with. That being said, I can see how it is necesary if you are loaded or have a big enterprise pre marriage
I know and I agree with your point man..BUT most of the time it doesn't work that way . Almost everytime when things get bitter people change to their nasty mood and it doesnt get nicer they get nastier.
On my personal case I wasn't/ain't loaded, an average hard worker, and I was taken to the cleaners at the point where I didn't have where to sleep (In fact I will be forever grateful to a foro member for offer me her couch to crash...you know who you are ..thank very much!) and at this point I'm not willing to give away the little I've done. I think if you are aware of the consequences before to get in a relationship at least you know the possible turns that your future can take.
My opinion is based on my past experience and I rather to be sure that both will be fine in the case that doesn't work instead going in a legal battle.
I mentioned the "loaded" bit, because I'm sure there are many "gold-digger" cases, and I'm sure many men have fallen for that. In that case, I would definitely consider a pre-nup, but the average person...
Maybe I'm naïve, I dunno, but I think if you're willing to take that leap of faith, you have to take it full force and be willing to put everything on the line. If you can't, then don't get married to that person If I would even be able to bring myself to ASK for a pre-nup, I would already know that right then and there, it would be the beginning of the end of my relationship. It just simply means I'm not 100% confident in the person. I wouldn't marry, or be with, someone that I feel that way about.
I dunno, if it comes with experience or age (or luck), but I like to think I can read people pretty well. I've always been really picky when it came to people's (partners) personalities. As soon as I see the most miniscule thing, that I can't live with (at least traits that are important to me), or have a nasty streak, I`m out of there like no tomorrow.
I guess, like you, my opinion is based on my own experience.
In a nutshell, for example: At the time of my separation we settled, amongst ourselves, our finances (mostly the house). Only verbally. The home was valued at an X amount of money, so we settled based on that. I wanted the home, so I gave her my share and kept it (without a receipt or written agreement, other than our verbal agreement) and away we went. About a year later I was approached by someone that wanted to buy the house (a developer) The house was still on both our names. The house sold for nearly double than what we had settled for. I asked her if she would sign the sale and she agreed. I'm not going to lie... I was crapping my pants right until the moment of signinig, but I had faith. She came, and she sign, no questions asked. She kept her word, stuck to our agreement, and never asked for a dime. I would've done the same with/for her, and I wouldn't marry anyone that I wouldn't KNOW I could expect the same from.
Moraleja: It doesn't matter if you don't get along as a couple/romantically, for whatever reasons. It happens. Just make sure that, AT LEAST, you marry a good person
-- Edited by Dogo at 10:35, 2008-11-12
__________________
The opinions expressed by this poster should always be considered offensive to Guadalupipi.
I have mixed feelings about this.... IF I have to even consider a pre-nup, then I would most definitely think twice about marrying or living with this person. Probably deep down, I KNOW this is not the right person for me (at the very least, I don't trust her) so why marry/live together to begin with. That being said, I can see how it is necesary if you are loaded or have a big enterprise pre marriage
I know and I agree with your point man..BUT most of the time it doesn't work that way . Almost everytime when things get bitter people change to their nasty mood and it doesnt get nicer they get nastier.
On my personal case I wasn't/ain't loaded, an average hard worker, and I was taken to the cleaners at the point where I didn't have where to sleep (In fact I will be forever grateful to a foro member for offer me her couch to crash...you know who you are ..thank very much!) and at this point I'm not willing to give away the little I've done. I think if you are aware of the consequences before to get in a relationship at least you know the possible turns that your future can take.
My opinion is based on my past experience and I rather to be sure that both will be fine in the case that doesn't work instead going in a legal battle.
I have mixed feelings about this.... IF I have to even consider a pre-nup, then I would most definitely think twice about marrying or living with this person. Probably deep down, I KNOW this is not the right person for me (at the very least, I don't trust her) so why marry/live together to begin with. That being said, I can see how it is necesary if you are loaded or have a big enterprise pre marriage
__________________
The opinions expressed by this poster should always be considered offensive to Guadalupipi.
Let's say your partner has kids from a previous marriage, at the moment you marry him you become financially responsable for the kids...and if you get the super 7 and down the road split...part of that money is going for your parner kids....from a previous marriage.
The same goes for Debt...if you or your Parnet go to the marriage with some debt and down the road the marriages disolves...and let's say your partner declares insolvency guess who is liable for the debt ?
Before to get in any relationship both have to disclose their finances.....debts, liabilities, insurances, RRSP, Pension Plan, Income, etc etc etc
If you have ie. property/ a car or say a separate account before you are married is that not negotiable when it comes time to split in divorce? After all it was yours when you were single?
By law....whatever you bring to the marriage is considered mutual. For instance if you own a house and you get married and LIVE IN that house and down the road things go wrong that house that you purchased before the marriage..You ex has rights to the 50% of it, because it was the marital home.
What you do to avoid that...You keep your property and rent it out and you and your partner rent/purchase another one that way you don't have to split what you have own previously to the marriage BUT the new house where both live has to be split 50%-50%
If you have ie. property/ a car or say a separate account before you are married is that not negotiable when it comes time to split in divorce? After all it was yours when you were single?
Definitely.
