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TorontoHispano.com -> TH Foro. -> General -> The official JOKE thread......LOL!!!!!!
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Anonymous

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RE: The official JOKE thread......LOL!!!!!!
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En un confesionario, en la Iglesia:
" Padre, perdoneme porque he pecado" (voz femenina)
-Dime hija ¿cuales son tus pecados?
"Padre, el demonio de la tentacion se apodera de mi, pobre pecadora".
-¿Como es eso hija? 
 "Es que cuando hablo con un hombre tengo sensaciones en el cuerpo que no se
 como describirlas..."
- Hija, por favor, que tambien soy un hombre...
"Si, padre, por eso vine a confesarme con usted..."
-Bueno hija, y ¿como son esas sensaciones? 
 "No se como explicarlas, por ejemplo ahora mi cuerpo se rebela a estar de
rodillas y necesito ponerme mas comoda..".
-¿En serio?
"Si, quiero relajarme y quedarme tendida..." 
 -Hija, tendida...¿como?
"De espaldas al piso, hasta que se me pase la tension..."
- ¿Y que mas?
"Es como que tengo un sufrimiento que no le encuentro acomodo"
-¿Y que mas?
"Como que espero un poco de calor que me alivie.."
-¿Calor?
"Calor padre, calor humano, que lleve alivio a mi padecer..."
-¿Y que tan frecuente es esa tentacion?
" Permanente padre, por ejemplo ahora me imagino que sus manos sobre mi piel
me daran mucho alivio..."
-!Hija! 
 "Si padre, perdoneme, pero me urge que alguien fuerte me estruje entre sus
 brazos y me de el alivio que necesito..."
-¿Por ejemplo yo? 
 "Por ejemplo, usted es la clase de hombre que imagino me puede aliviar"
-Perdoname hija, pero necesito saber tu edad...
" Setenta y cuatro, padre."
-Hija, ve en paz, que lo tuyo es reumatismo..



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confundida


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FOR ALL YOUR WALMART FANS!!!!!!!!!!


 


One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." 
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. 
"There's a  diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the   computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about
it. It takes ten  seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a
doctor." 
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. 
He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later the
computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks." 
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began
wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool
sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and
masturbated into the mixture for good measure. 
Jack hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check theresults. He deposits ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer
prints  the following: 
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours.  Get a lawyer. 
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better. 
Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart. 



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confundida


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One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

"Well, good morning.  So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.

The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself.



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confundida


Foro Master

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One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. 
He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared. "I'll
grant you your fondest wish," the genie said. 
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job - a
job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try!" 
"Poof!" said the genie, "You're a housewife!"


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X4v13r


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quote:
Originally posted by: El Padrino
"February 11, 2005

A small two seater plane crashed in a cemetery in Newfoundland. Two weeks later, the newfies were still pulling out dozens of dead bodies...-- Edited by El Padrino at 15:17, 2005-02-11-- Edited by El Padrino at 15:19, 2005-02-11"


LOL!!!! crazy newfies

X@vier


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El Padrino


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February 11, 2005

A small two seater plane crashed in a cemetery in Newfoundland. Two weeks later, the newfies were still pulling out dozens of dead bodies...

-- Edited by El Padrino at 15:17, 2005-02-11

-- Edited by El Padrino at 15:19, 2005-02-11

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Chilenita


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February 11, 2005


A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery


A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one


behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash


behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking in single file


the woman was soooo curious that she respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this"


"who's funeral is it"


the woman replied "my husbands"


"what happened to him?"


The woman replied, "my dog attacked him and killed him"


she inquired further "well, who is in the second hearse?'


the woman answered, " My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her"


A poignant and thoughful moment of silence passed between the two woman


"can I borrow the dog?"


GET IN LINE




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CHI CHI CHI LE LE LE VIVA CHILE!!!!

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X4v13r


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Okay people, I see alot of joke threads on the foro so i thought, Y don't we have one where everyone can post jokes so it would be easy to find them.

just remember to post the date u posted the joke.

Friday 11, 2005

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

X@vier




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