Lahtina wrote:

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How long does it take a Frenchy to send an e-mail?

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Jajaja, good one ! Don't know

 

 

 

 

 

How long does it take a Frenchy to send an e-mail?

10 REASONS WHY LATINOS CAN'T BE TERRORISTS

10. 8:45am is too early for us to be up.
9. We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.
8. Pretty people on the plane distract us.
7. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
6. Food and drinks were on the plane.
5. We talk with our hands, we would have put our weapons down.
4. We would all want to fly the plane.
3. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
2. We would have told everyone a week before doing it.
1. We would have put our countries flag on the windshield.

quote:

---

Originally posted by: JOKER_ESCO
"POEMA ALA CACA   De los Placeres sin pecar, el mas dulce es el cagar, con un periódico extendido y un cigarrillo encendido queda el culo complacido y la mierda en su lugar. Cagar es un placer; de cagar nadie se escapa caga el rey, caga el papa caga el buey, caga la vaca, y hasta la señorita mas guapa hace sus bolitas de caca. Viene el perro y lo huele viene el gato y lo tapa. Total, en este mundo de caca de cagar nadie se escapa. Que triste es amar sin ser amado, pero mas triste es cagar sin haber almorzado. Hay cacas blancas por hepatitis, las hay blandas por gastritis cualquiera que sea la causa que siempre te alcanza aprieta las piernas duro que cuando el trozo es seguro aunque este bien fruncido el culo será por lo menos, PEDO SEGURO!!!!! No hay placer más exquisito, que cagar bien despacito. El baño no es tobogán ni tampoco subibaja. El baño es para cagar y no pa' hacerse la paja. En este lugar sagrado, donde tanta gente acude, la chica se pasa el dedo y el tipo se lo sacude. Caga tranquilo, caga sin pena, pero no se te olvide tirar la cadena. El tipo que aquí se sienta y escribir versos se acuerda, no me vengan a decir que no es un poeta de mierda!. En este lugar sagrado donde acude tanta gente hace fuerza el mas cobarde y se caga el mas valiente. Ni la mierda es pintura ni los dedos son pinceles por favor, pendejo límpiense con papeles!. Para ti que siempre estas en el baño: Caguen tranquilos, caguen contentos, pero por favor, caguen adentro!. I receive this buy e-mail hope ya like it ..........."

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jajajaajajajaj esa la voy a copear y ponerla en mi baño jajajajaja

Top 25 Condom Ad Slogans
25. Cover your stump before you hump.

24. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

23. Don't be silly, protect your willy.

22. When in doubt, shroud your spout.

21. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.

20. You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong.

19. If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

18. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.

17. If you slip between her thighs, condomize.

16. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

15. She won't get sick, if you wrap your dick.

14. If you go into heat, package your meat.

13. While your undressing venus, dress up your penis.

12. When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse.

11. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

10. Never ever deck her, with an unwraped pecker.

9. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.

8. The right selection, is to protect your erection.

7. Wrap it in foil, before checking her oil.

6. A crank with armor, will never harm her.

5. If you really love her, wear a cover.

4. Don't make a mistake, cover your snake.

3. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.

2. If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.

1. No glove, No love.

25 Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
   
2. Learn to work the toilet seat, if it is up, put it down.
   
3. Don't cut your hair. Never. Ever.
   
4. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
   
5. Get rid of your cat.
   
6. Sunday = sports.
   
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
   
8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
   
9. You have too many shoes.
   
10. Crying is blackmail.
    
11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
    
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
    
13. Yes, going to the bathroom standing up is more difficult than from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
    
14. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
    
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
    
16. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
    
17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    
18. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
    
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we probably meant the other one.
    
20. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
    
21. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
    
22. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
    
23. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
    
24. You have enough clothes.
    
25. Nothing says "I Love You" like sex.

Trencito

Una madre estaba trabajando en la cocina mientras escuchaba jugar a su hijo en la sala con su tren electrico nuevo. Ella escucha que el tren se detiene y su hijo dice :

"Todos los hijos de p_ta que quieran bajarse, haganlo ahora porque esta es la ultima parada! Y todos los hijos de p_ta que van de regreso y se quieren montar metan sus cul_s dentro del tren ahora porque nos vamos a la mi_rda ya!!". La madre entro a la sala y le dijo a su hijo:

"Nosotros no usamos esa clase de vocabulario en esta casa. Ahora ve a tu cuarto y te quedas alli durante 2 horas. Cuando salgas, puedes regresar a jugar con tu tren, por supuesto usando un vocabulario agradable y decente!."

Dos horas mas tarde, el niño sale de su cuarto y comienza a jugar de nuevo con su tren. Pronto el tren se detiene y la madre escucha a su hijo decir:

"Todos los pasajeros que vayan a desembarcar del tren, por favor recuerden llevarse todos sus objetos personales consigo. Les agradecemos por haber viajado con nosotros el dia de hoy y esperamos que el viaje haya sido placentero. Esperamos que viajen de nuevo con nostros en una proxima oportunidad". Ella escucha que el niño continua:

"Pedimos a los pasajeros que no tienen como destino final esta estacion, permanecer sentados en sus asientos mientras pasamos refrigerios. Para aquellos que estan embarcando, les pedimos que coloquen todas sus pertenecias debajo de sus asientos. Recuerden que esta prohibido fumar dentro del tren. Esperamos que tengan un viaje relajado y placentero con nosotros el dia de hoy". Entonces, el niño agrega :
"???Y para aquellos que esten molestos por la demora de DOS HORAS, reclamenle a la p_ta que esta en la cocina!!!".

EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW FEA - That was nasty!

Rodney Dangerfield's Best One-Liners

• I was so poor growing up... If I wasn't born a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.
  
• A girl phoned me the other day and said... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
  
• During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
  
• One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
  
• It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
  
• I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
  
• I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
  
• I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
  
• I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
  
• When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.
  
• I'm so ugly, my mother had morning sickness after I was born.
  
• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
  
• Once when I was lost I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide."
  
• My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
  
• I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
  
• I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
  
• I went to the doctor because I'd accidentally swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills. My, doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

A Day In The Life

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.

The pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and they stick me in a jar."

The cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and they put me over salad."

The penis says, "You think that your lives are tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly room and force me to do pushups until I throw up and lose consciousness!"

quote:

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Originally posted by: PRINCESSA
"@ Xavier.......Funny, but too long.  "

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but is worth it, just take ur time

X@vier

Wednesday 09, 2005

Wacko Jacko

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!

Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A: Get out of my sun!

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper?
A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.

Q: How do we know Michael is guilty?
A: Several children have fingered him.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart?
A. He heard that boys' pants were 1/2 off.

Q. What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson?
A. One is white, made of plastic, and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries.

Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch?
A. When the big hand touches the little hand.

Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's hand.

Q. What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night?
A. Hanson.

Q. What the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?
A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.

Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?
A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.

Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter?
A. I'll swap you a 10 for two fives

Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"?
A: Two 5 year olds.

Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night...
Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight?
Michael: Yeah, okay, can we get Aladdin?
Janet: No, just a pizza and video

Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A: Michael Jackson

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.

Q: What do Michael and homework have in common?
A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson:
If he hears any more allegations about little boys,
the Pope says he'll
have no choice but to make him a priest.

FBI have raided Michael Jackson's house:
They found class A drugs in his kitchen,
Class B drugs in his living room and
Class 5C in his bedroom.

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room
with their new
baby
son.
The doctor walks in and Michael asks, "Doctor, how
long before we can
have
sex?"
"I'd wait until he's at least 14," the doctor replies.

TOO FUNNY LOL!!!!!!

X@vier

Un borracho se levanta de la barra y va para el  baño. Pocos minutos más tarde, un ruidoso, grito de cuajada de la sangre se oye del cuarto de baño. Algunos minutos después de eso, otro grito ruidoso reverbera a través de la barra.
El camarero entra el cuarto de baño investigar porqué el borracho está gritando. ¿"cuál es todo el griterío alli adentro ? Está usted asustando a los clientes!"
"Estoy sentado justa en este inodoro y cada vez que intento limpiar con un chorro de agua, algo viene para arriba y exprime el infierno fuera de mis testículos."
¡Con ese, el camarero abre la puerta, mira adentro y dice... a idiota "Usted se está sentando en el cubo del trapeador!"

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece. Men are not equipped for these
kinds of contests.

quote:

---

Originally posted by: Yesi
"
Hheheheheheh OMG, this is so funny, I lived in Mexico for a long time so I find this very very funny.  I already sent it to all my Mexican friends they will love it. Thanks XAVIER
Yesi"

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no problem
What episodio did u like the best??

X@vier

GUYS THIS ONE I JUST HAD TO SHARE !!!!!

Marriage - Part I

 

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

 "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and Don't you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules.

Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're here or not."

       (DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)       ************************************

       Marriage (Part II) 

   Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

  The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

>> >       "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

 "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

       "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

 

    (HE ASKED FOR IT!)

 

   ******************************

 

  Marriage (Part III)

   Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

   Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

  After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

  She says, "I was in bed."

 "In bed this early, doing what?"

 "Getting a second opinion!"

  (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

******************************************

   Marriage (Part IV)

  A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He Shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' 

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

 **************************************

 Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

 

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and Were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 

  God may have created man before woman, but there is

   always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Wednesday 23, 2005

Despite the advice of their friends, an ant and an elephant got married. After they had sex for the first time, the elephant had a heart attack and died. “Crap,” the ant said. “Five minutes of ecstasy and now I have to spend the rest of my life digging a grave.”

X@vier

Monday 21, 2005

Okay people this is not a joke but is a site that has some funny Flash clips, I hope u like them. Some people may not understand them because is made by a Mexican guy that uses alot of mexican words, still really funny

My fav is episode 2.

"Este wey es puto!!!!!!!"

http://www.melamame.com/

ENJOY!!!!!

X@vier

p.s.

I'm not from Mexico

quote:

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Originally posted by: X4v13r
"Friday 18, 2005 Top 10 Rejected Valentine Messages Its a hallmark moment 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hopes that, later, you'd be my w h o r e. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat a s s. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown. . . but so's you’re a s s. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister You should check out the one that I gave to your sister! X@vier "

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jejejejejajajaj you guys are so funny this jokes are great

Yesi

Tres negras cubanitas están en el aeropuerto y mientrasesperan para tomar un avión y conversan entre ellas. La primera negrita dice:Yo no se ustedes, pero yo me voy a poné una tanguita coló rosa ante demontame en ese avión. Y pá qué...? le preguntaron las otrasdos.  Poque si el avión se cae y caigo con el culo pa'rriba,  la tanguitacolo rosa se va a ve desde lejos y será fácil rescatame.La segunda negrita dice:  Pues yo me voy a poné una anaranjada y  fluorescente.Y po qué de ese coló ? preguntaron las otras dos.Poque si caigo al agua con el culo pa' rriba, ese coló sinifica  rescate".La tercera negrita dice :Pué, yo, no me voy a poné naa ".¡Cómo dice chica? preguntaron las otras dos!Que yo voy sin tanguita ni naa, a culo pelao, como lo oyeron,poque cuando se cae un avión, lo primero que buscan es la caja negra.

quote:

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Originally posted by: chepe_trompo
"Hotel para Mujeres>    Un grupo de mujeres jóvenes están de vacaciones y de>pronto encuentran un hotel de cinco pisos, con un cartel que dice:>  "Exclusivamente para mujeres".>Como están sin sus parejas deciden entrar para ver si Vale la pena alojarse>allí.>El recepcionista, un  hombre muy atractivo, les explica como es el hotel:>"Tenemos cinco pisos... vayan piso por piso, y cuando Encuentren lo que>buscan, vienen a registrarse.>  Es fácil decidir, porque en cada piso hay avisos que indican qué >contienen.>>  Así que entran y, en el primer piso, en el aviso se  lee:>"Aquí todos los hombres son pésimos haciendo el Amor, pero son muy >sensibles>y amables".>Las amigas sé ríen a carcajadas y sin dudar suben al  Siguiente.>El aviso del segundo piso dice:>"Aquí los hombres hacen el amor de modo maravilloso,Pero generalmente >tratan>mal a las mujeres".>Esto no les parece aceptable, así que las mujeres siguen al tercer piso,>donde dice:>  "Aquí todos los hombres son amantes excelentes, y son>  Sensibles a las necesidades de las mujeres".>  Esto se ve bueno pero, todavia faltan dos pisos.>   En el cuarto piso el aviso es sorprendente:>"Aquí todos los hombres tienen todos, sus cuerpos>Perfectos son muy sensibles y atentos con las mujeres,>son amantes perfectos, todos son solteros, con mucho>Dinero y dispuestos a casarse".>Definitivamente las mujeres están intrigadas, pero  ellas deciden ver qué>hay en el quinto piso, antes de    Quedarse en el cuarto.>  Cuando ellas llegan al quinto, en el aviso dice:>  "Aquí no hay hombres. Este piso se construyó sólo para  Probar>  que es imposible complacer a una mujer"."

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thats a gr8 joke LOL!!!!! and at the same tiem sooooooooooo true

X@vier

Thursday 17, 2005

These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood
Squares"
game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted. Peter
Marshall
was the host asking the questions.


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: "If you hold their little heads under water long
enough."

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
you be?
A. Charley Weaver: "Three days of steady drinking should do it."

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: "Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes."

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man
or a
woman?
A. Don Knotts: "That's what's been keeping me awake."

Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think
that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
married?
A. Rose Marie: "No, wait until morning."

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: "My sense of decency."

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: "No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty."

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: "I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment."

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while
talking?
A. Rose Marie: "You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give
you a gesture you'll never forget."

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: "Because chiffon wrinkles too easily."

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
get any
during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: "Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries."

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: "Ralph, the pin boy."

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One
is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: "Tape measures."

Q . When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: "Make him bark?"

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: "Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
the
habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: "It got me out of the army."

Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo!
Poo!".
What does this mean?
A. George Gobel: "Cattle crossing."

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head, what
was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: "Get it in his mouth."

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: "I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him."

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
has
actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: "His feet."

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in
bed?
A. Paul Lynde: "Point and laugh."

X@vier

quote:

---

Originally posted by: confundida
"FOR ALL YOUR WALMART FANS!!!!!!!!!!
 
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a  diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the   computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten  seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks." That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check theresults. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints  the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours.  Get a lawyer.  5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.  "

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LOL i've heard this one before, really good!!!!