Para decidirse en el dilema de con cual casarse, les entrego $10,000.00 ólares a cada una, para ver que hacían con el dinero... La primera agarro todo el dinero y se fue a la estética, se hizo manicura, pedicura, se corto y tiño el pelo, se compro lujosas ropas y joyas. "Lo he hecho por ti", le dijo cuando lo vio. "Deseo estar muy guapa para ti porque te amo."
La segunda toma el dinero y compra un Rolex de oro para caballero, un reproductor de CD's portátil y unas corbatas carisimas.
Cuando lo vio le entrego todo y le dijo: "Te he comprado todo esto porque te quiero, muchísimo."
La tercera invirtió todo el dinero en la Bolsa. Gano el doble, tomo la mitad y reinvirtió el resto, devolviéndole los diez mil dólares que le había dado. "He invertido el dinero para ti, y lo he doblado. Te devuelvo lo que me has dado, y he reinvertido el resto para nuestro futuro porque eres todo para mi"
El hombre analizo cuidadosamente todos y cada uno de los comportamientos, sopesando pros y contras de cada una y,tras mucho pensar, decidió casarse con...
quote: Originally posted by: JOKER_ESCO "POEMA ALA CACA De los Placeres sin pecar, el mas dulce es el cagar, con un periódico extendido y un cigarrillo encendido queda el culo complacido y la mierda en su lugar. Cagar es un placer; de cagar nadie se escapa caga el rey, caga el papa caga el buey, caga la vaca, y hasta la señorita mas guapa hace sus bolitas de caca. Viene el perro y lo huele viene el gato y lo tapa. Total, en este mundo de caca de cagar nadie se escapa. Que triste es amar sin ser amado, pero mas triste es cagar sin haber almorzado. Hay cacas blancas por hepatitis, las hay blandas por gastritis cualquiera que sea la causa que siempre te alcanza aprieta las piernas duro que cuando el trozo es seguro aunque este bien fruncido el culo será por lo menos, PEDO SEGURO!!!!! No hay placer más exquisito, que cagar bien despacito. El baño no es tobogán ni tampoco subibaja. El baño es para cagar y no pa' hacerse la paja. En este lugar sagrado, donde tanta gente acude, la chica se pasa el dedo y el tipo se lo sacude. Caga tranquilo, caga sin pena, pero no se te olvide tirar la cadena. El tipo que aquí se sienta y escribir versos se acuerda, no me vengan a decir que no es un poeta de mierda!. En este lugar sagrado donde acude tanta gente hace fuerza el mas cobarde y se caga el mas valiente. Ni la mierda es pintura ni los dedos son pinceles por favor, pendejo límpiense con papeles!. Para ti que siempre estas en el baño: Caguen tranquilos, caguen contentos, pero por favor, caguen adentro!. I receive this buy e-mail hope ya like it ..........."
jajajaajajajaj esa la voy a copear y ponerla en mi baño jajajajaja
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"There's an evil monkey in my closet"-Criss Griffin
De los Placeres sin pecar, el mas dulce es el cagar, con un periódico extendido y un cigarrillo encendido queda el culo complacido y la mierda en su lugar.
Cagar es un placer; de cagar nadie se escapa caga el rey, caga el papa caga el buey, caga la vaca, y hasta la señorita mas guapa hace sus bolitas de caca.
Viene el perro y lo huele viene el gato y lo tapa. Total, en este mundo de caca de cagar nadie se escapa. Que triste es amar sin ser amado, pero mas triste es cagar sin haber almorzado.
Hay cacas blancas por hepatitis, las hay blandas por gastritis cualquiera que sea la causa que siempre te alcanza aprieta las piernas duro que cuando el trozo es seguro aunque este bien fruncido el culo será por lo menos, PEDO SEGURO!!!!!
No hay placer más exquisito, que cagar bien despacito. El baño no es tobogán ni tampoco subibaja. El baño es para cagar y no pa' hacerse la paja.
En este lugar sagrado, donde tanta gente acude, la chica se pasa el dedo y el tipo se lo sacude. Caga tranquilo, caga sin pena, pero no se te olvide tirar la cadena.
El tipo que aquí se sienta y escribir versos se acuerda, no me vengan a decir que no es un poeta de mierda!.
En este lugar sagrado donde acude tanta gente hace fuerza el mas cobarde y se caga el mas valiente. Ni la mierda es pintura ni los dedos son pinceles por favor, pendejo límpiense con papeles!. Para ti que siempre estas en el baño:
Caguen tranquilos, caguen contentos, pero por favor, caguen adentro!.
I receive this buy e-mail hope ya like it ...........
A mother had 3 virgen daughters.they were all getting married soon, and because mom was a bit worrried about how their sex life would get started she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The 1st girl sent a card from Hawaii 2 days after the wedding. the card said nothing but "NESCAFE." mom was puzzled at first but then went to the kichen and got out the Nescafe jar. it said" GOOD TILL THE LAST DROP." mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The 2nd girl sent a card from Vermont a week after the wedding and the card read" BENSON & HEDGES." mom now knew to go straight to her husbands cigarettes and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack "EXTRA LONG KING SIZE." she was again slightly embarresed but still happy for her daughter.
The 3rd girl left for the honeymoon to the Carribbean. mom waited for a week and nothing. another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month a card finaly arrived. Written in shaky handwritting were the words "BRITISH AIRWAYS." mom took out her lastest Bazaar magazine flipped through the pages fearing the worst and finaly found the ad for the airline. The ad said"3 TIMES A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS" mom fainted!!!
Una madre estaba trabajando en la cocina mientras escuchaba jugar a su hijo en la sala con su tren electrico nuevo. Ella escucha que el tren se detiene y su hijo dice :
"Todos los hijos de p_ta que quieran bajarse, haganlo ahora porque esta es la ultima parada! Y todos los hijos de p_ta que van de regreso y se quieren montar metan sus cul_s dentro del tren ahora porque nos vamos a la mi_rda ya!!". La madre entro a la sala y le dijo a su hijo:
"Nosotros no usamos esa clase de vocabulario en esta casa. Ahora ve a tu cuarto y te quedas alli durante 2 horas. Cuando salgas, puedes regresar a jugar con tu tren, por supuesto usando un vocabulario agradable y decente!."
Dos horas mas tarde, el niño sale de su cuarto y comienza a jugar de nuevo con su tren. Pronto el tren se detiene y la madre escucha a su hijo decir:
"Todos los pasajeros que vayan a desembarcar del tren, por favor recuerden llevarse todos sus objetos personales consigo. Les agradecemos por haber viajado con nosotros el dia de hoy y esperamos que el viaje haya sido placentero. Esperamos que viajen de nuevo con nostros en una proxima oportunidad". Ella escucha que el niño continua:
"Pedimos a los pasajeros que no tienen como destino final esta estacion, permanecer sentados en sus asientos mientras pasamos refrigerios. Para aquellos que estan embarcando, les pedimos que coloquen todas sus pertenecias debajo de sus asientos. Recuerden que esta prohibido fumar dentro del tren. Esperamos que tengan un viaje relajado y placentero con nosotros el dia de hoy". Entonces, el niño agrega : "???Y para aquellos que esten molestos por la demora de DOS HORAS, reclamenle a la p_ta que esta en la cocina!!!".
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Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
El lesbianismo es producido por una enzima.....una encima de la otra.
El mejor método anticonceptivo es el "Di Caprio": quedarse helado aunque la chica esté mojada.
¿Cuál es el pájaro mas decente?El que se para, para que tú te sientes.
¿Por qué los pingüinos no se pueden domesticar? Porque un pájaro parado no entiende de razones.
La primera vez de la mujer es como el dolor de muelas... Le duele, pero no quieren que se la saquen.
¿En qué se relacionan la memoria con el culo? En que si te lo rompo, jamás te olvidaras de mí .
¿En qué se parecen las arvejas a los pendejos? En que por mas que los apartes, siempre terminás tragándote alguno.
¿En qué se parecen un cigarrillo "light" y pajearse? En que no son lo ideal, pero quitan las ganas.
¿En qué se parecen los carteros y los huevos? En que los dos golpean, pero nunca entran...
¿A qué huele la poronga de Popeye? A aceite de Oliva.
Un niño descubre a sus padres haciendo una salvaje 69 y les dice: "¿Y ustedes me quieren mandar al psiquiatra porque me chupo el dedo?"
Las amigas más unidas son Justa y Celina, porque donde va justa, vaselina.
¿Cuál es la diferencia entre coger y hacerse la paja? Que cogiendo se conoce gente .
¿Cuál es la diferencia entre una p_ta y una amiga? Que las p_tas cogen con todos, pero las amigas cogen con todos menos con vos.
-Querida, ¿no me dejás que te la ponga por el oído? -Ay, no! A ver si me dejás sorda... -¿Por qué? ¿Acaso alguna vez te dejé muda?
¿Cómo hace un sordo para levantarse una mina?. Le pide que se abra de piernas para leerle bien los labios.
¿Dónde se hace la fiesta más aburrida del mundo? En el calzoncillo, porque hay dos globos y un pito para 500 pendejos.
¿Cómo se llamaría Mónica Lewinsky si fuese latina? Deborah Vergara.
Un tipo sufre un accidente, y cuando recobra la conciencia, después de una larga operación, el médico le dice: -Amigo, tengo que darle una buena y una mala noticia: ¿cuál le digo primero? -Qué sé yo... la mala... -Bien... tuvimos que amputarle las piernas. -¡Oh no!... ¿Y la buena cuál es? -¡Que ahora tiene una poronga que le llega hasta el piso!
Un marinero le dice a su capitán: -Capitán, capitán: ¡hay un homosexual en el barco! -¿Y tú cómo lo sabes? -¡Porque le chupé la pija y tenía un gusto a mierda!
Entra un maricón a un almacén y le dice al almacenero: -Deme un salame así de grande (y le muestra con las manos). -¿Se lo corto en rodajas? -Ay! ¿Pero qué se piensa: que mi culo es una alcancía?
-Cuando hacés el amor con tu mujer, ¿en qué momento grita más? -Cuando me la limpio con la colcha.
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Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
While walking through the Northern California woods a man came up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?" "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.
"You gotta be kiddin' me."
"No, would you like to give it a try?"
Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it.
With this the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
He told the guy the whole story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him behind the ear and said, "This just isn't gonna be your day."
I was so poor growing up... If I wasn't born a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he pulled through.
I'm so ugly, my mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide."
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I'm so ugly I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
I went to the doctor because I'd accidentally swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills. My, doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
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Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.
The pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get big, fat and juicy they sprinkle seasonings over me and they stick me in a jar."
The cucumber says, "Yeah, you think that's bad? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they slice me up and they put me over salad."
The penis says, "You think that your lives are tough? Whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly room and force me to do pushups until I throw up and lose consciousness!"
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Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small? A: Because they aren't his!
Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson? A: Get out of my sun!
Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning? A: Throw him a buoy!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?? A: He thought it was a delivery service.
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper? A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost.
Q: How do we know Michael is guilty? A: Several children have fingered him.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart? A. He heard that boys' pants were 1/2 off.
Q. What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson? A. One is white, made of plastic, and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries.
Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch? A. When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants? A. Michael Jackson's hand.
Q. What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night? A. Hanson.
Q. What the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen.
Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson? A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.
Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter? A. I'll swap you a 10 for two fives
Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"? A: Two 5 year olds.
Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night... Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight? Michael: Yeah, okay, can we get Aladdin? Janet: No, just a pizza and video
Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years? A: Michael Jackson
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing? A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
Q: What do Michael and homework have in common? A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson: If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.
FBI have raided Michael Jackson's house: They found class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his living room and Class 5C in his bedroom.
Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks, "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?" "I'd wait until he's at least 14," the doctor replies.
TYPES OF WOMEN ~~~~~~~~~~~~ HARD-DISK Woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman: She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman: Everyone knows that she can't do any thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman: She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman: Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose everything, if you don't try to uninstall her you will be rendered useless... Either way, you lose.
Un borracho se levanta de la barra y va para el baño. Pocos minutos más tarde, un ruidoso, grito de cuajada de la sangre se oye del cuarto de baño. Algunos minutos después de eso, otro grito ruidoso reverbera a través de la barra. El camarero entra el cuarto de baño investigar porqué el borracho está gritando. ¿"cuál es todo el griterío alli adentro ? Está usted asustando a los clientes!" "Estoy sentado justa en este inodoro y cada vez que intento limpiar con un chorro de agua, algo viene para arriba y exprime el infierno fuera de mis testículos." ¡Con ese, el camarero abre la puerta, mira adentro y dice... a idiota "Usted se está sentando en el cubo del trapeador!"
15 PIECES OF ADVICE TO BE PASSED ON TO YOUR MOM, YOUR DAUGHTERS OR GRANDDAUGHTERS, NIECES, AUNTS, GIRLFRIENDS, ETC 1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
A man and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast. As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife, "You aren't that good in bed either!" By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone. "What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?" "I was in bed." "What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?" "Getting a second opinion.
quote: Originally posted by: Yesi " Hheheheheheh OMG, this is so funny, I lived in Mexico for a long time so I find this very very funny. I already sent it to all my Mexican friends they will love it. Thanks XAVIER Yesi"
A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do that you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or choclates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!" So, he showed up with flowers AND chocolates.
She was very flattered and pleased, so she rewarded him with a long passionate kiss. She pressed her body against him and ran her fingers through his hair.. hoping to give him the best kiss he has ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and Don't you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.
Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night......... whether you're here or not."
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
>> > "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He Shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and Were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
quote: Originally posted by: X4v13r "Monday 21, 2005 Okay people this is not a joke but is a site that has some funny Flash clips, I hope u like them. Some people may not understand them because is made by a Mexican guy that uses alot of mexican words, still really funny My fav is episode 2. "Este wey es puto!!!!!!!" http://www.melamame.com/ ENJOY!!!!! X@vier p.s. I'm not from Mexico "
Hheheheheheh OMG, this is so funny, I lived in Mexico for a long time so I find this very very funny. I already sent it to all my Mexican friends they will love it. Thanks XAVIER
Despite the advice of their friends, an ant and an elephant got married. After they had sex for the first time, the elephant had a heart attack and died. “Crap,” the ant said. “Five minutes of ecstasy and now I have to spend the rest of my life digging a grave.”
A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine gender. "House" for instance, is feminine -- "la maison." "Pencil" , however, is masculine -- "le crayon." A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because: 1. no one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. the native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; 4. as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (le computer"), because: 1. in order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. they have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. they are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; 4. as soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
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Dios nos conceda SERENIDAD para aceptar las cosas que no podemos cambiar, VALOR para cambiar las que podemos, y SABIDURIA para conocer la diferencia.
Okay people this is not a joke but is a site that has some funny Flash clips, I hope u like them. Some people may not understand them because is made by a Mexican guy that uses alot of mexican words, still really funny
quote: Originally posted by: X4v13r "Friday 18, 2005 Top 10 Rejected Valentine Messages Its a hallmark moment 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store In hopes that, later, you'd be my w h o r e. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat a s s. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass Our love has grown. . . but so's you’re a s s. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister You should check out the one that I gave to your sister! X@vier "
quote: Originally posted by: chepe_trompo "Tres negras cubanitas están en el aeropuerto y mientrasesperan para tomar un avión y conversan entre ellas. La primera negrita dice:Yo no se ustedes, pero yo me voy a poné una tanguita coló rosa ante demontame en ese avión. Y pá qué...? le preguntaron las otrasdos. Poque si el avión se cae y caigo con el culo pa'rriba, la tanguitacolo rosa se va a ve desde lejos y será fácil rescatame.La segunda negrita dice: Pues yo me voy a poné una anaranjada y fluorescente.Y po qué de ese coló ? preguntaron las otras dos.Poque si caigo al agua con el culo pa' rriba, ese coló sinifica rescate".La tercera negrita dice :Pué, yo, no me voy a poné naa ".¡Cómo dice chica? preguntaron las otras dos!Que yo voy sin tanguita ni naa, a culo pelao, como lo oyeron,poque cuando se cae un avión, lo primero que buscan es la caja negra."
Tres negras cubanitas están en el aeropuerto y mientrasesperan para tomar un avión y conversan entre ellas. La primera negrita dice:Yo no se ustedes, pero yo me voy a poné una tanguita coló rosa ante demontame en ese avión. Y pá qué...? le preguntaron las otrasdos. Poque si el avión se cae y caigo con el culo pa'rriba, la tanguitacolo rosa se va a ve desde lejos y será fácil rescatame.La segunda negrita dice: Pues yo me voy a poné una anaranjada y fluorescente.Y po qué de ese coló ? preguntaron las otras dos.Poque si caigo al agua con el culo pa' rriba, ese coló sinifica rescate".La tercera negrita dice :Pué, yo, no me voy a poné naa ".¡Cómo dice chica? preguntaron las otras dos!Que yo voy sin tanguita ni naa, a culo pelao, como lo oyeron,poque cuando se cae un avión, lo primero que buscan es la caja negra.
quote: Originally posted by: chepe_trompo "Hotel para Mujeres> Un grupo de mujeres jóvenes están de vacaciones y de>pronto encuentran un hotel de cinco pisos, con un cartel que dice:> "Exclusivamente para mujeres".>Como están sin sus parejas deciden entrar para ver si Vale la pena alojarse>allí.>El recepcionista, un hombre muy atractivo, les explica como es el hotel:>"Tenemos cinco pisos... vayan piso por piso, y cuando Encuentren lo que>buscan, vienen a registrarse.> Es fácil decidir, porque en cada piso hay avisos que indican qué >contienen.>> Así que entran y, en el primer piso, en el aviso se lee:>"Aquí todos los hombres son pésimos haciendo el Amor, pero son muy >sensibles>y amables".>Las amigas sé ríen a carcajadas y sin dudar suben al Siguiente.>El aviso del segundo piso dice:>"Aquí los hombres hacen el amor de modo maravilloso,Pero generalmente >tratan>mal a las mujeres".>Esto no les parece aceptable, así que las mujeres siguen al tercer piso,>donde dice:> "Aquí todos los hombres son amantes excelentes, y son> Sensibles a las necesidades de las mujeres".> Esto se ve bueno pero, todavia faltan dos pisos.> En el cuarto piso el aviso es sorprendente:>"Aquí todos los hombres tienen todos, sus cuerpos>Perfectos son muy sensibles y atentos con las mujeres,>son amantes perfectos, todos son solteros, con mucho>Dinero y dispuestos a casarse".>Definitivamente las mujeres están intrigadas, pero ellas deciden ver qué>hay en el quinto piso, antes de Quedarse en el cuarto.> Cuando ellas llegan al quinto, en el aviso dice:> "Aquí no hay hombres. Este piso se construyó sólo para Probar> que es imposible complacer a una mujer"."
thats a gr8 joke LOL!!!!! and at the same tiem sooooooooooo true
Hotel para Mujeres > Un grupo de mujeres jóvenes están de vacaciones y de >pronto encuentran un hotel de cinco pisos, con un cartel que dice: > "Exclusivamente para mujeres". >Como están sin sus parejas deciden entrar para ver si Vale la pena alojarse >allí. >El recepcionista, un hombre muy atractivo, les explica como es el hotel: >"Tenemos cinco pisos... vayan piso por piso, y cuando Encuentren lo que >buscan, vienen a registrarse. > Es fácil decidir, porque en cada piso hay avisos que indican qué >contienen. > > Así que entran y, en el primer piso, en el aviso se lee: >"Aquí todos los hombres son pésimos haciendo el Amor, pero son muy >sensibles >y amables". >Las amigas sé ríen a carcajadas y sin dudar suben al Siguiente. >El aviso del segundo piso dice: >"Aquí los hombres hacen el amor de modo maravilloso,Pero generalmente >tratan >mal a las mujeres". >Esto no les parece aceptable, así que las mujeres siguen al tercer piso, >donde dice: > "Aquí todos los hombres son amantes excelentes, y son > Sensibles a las necesidades de las mujeres". > Esto se ve bueno pero, todavia faltan dos pisos. > En el cuarto piso el aviso es sorprendente: >"Aquí todos los hombres tienen todos, sus cuerpos >Perfectos son muy sensibles y atentos con las mujeres, >son amantes perfectos, todos son solteros, con mucho >Dinero y dispuestos a casarse". >Definitivamente las mujeres están intrigadas, pero ellas deciden ver qué >hay en el quinto piso, antes de Quedarse en el cuarto. > Cuando ellas llegan al quinto, en el aviso dice: > "Aquí no hay hombres. Este piso se construyó sólo para Probar > que es imposible complacer a una mujer".
These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.
Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: "If you hold their little heads under water long enough."
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: "Three days of steady drinking should do it."
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: "Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes."
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: "That's what's been keeping me awake."
Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: "No, wait until morning."
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: "My sense of decency."
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: "No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty."
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: "I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment."
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: "You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget."
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: "Because chiffon wrinkles too easily."
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: "Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries."
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: "Ralph, the pin boy."
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: "Tape measures."
Q . When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: "Make him bark?"
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: "Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark."
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: "It got me out of the army."
Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!". What does this mean? A. George Gobel: "Cattle crossing."
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: "Get it in his mouth."
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: "I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him."
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: "His feet."
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: "Point and laugh."
O n elephant and a mouse are walking together through the jungle when the elephant falls into a very large hole. The hole is so large that try as he might, the elephant is unable to climb out. So the mouse says, "Hang around, I'll get something to drag you out with" and leaves. A little while later the mouse returns driving a Porsche and with a rope tied to the bumper bar and he drags the elephant out of the hole. The two friends continue their stroll through the jungle when all of a sudden, the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant immediately stands over the hole and squatting over it, lowers his penis so the mouse can grab it and lift himself out of the hole. Moral of the story: "If your dick is long enough you dont need a Porsche."
quote: Originally posted by: confundida "FOR ALL YOUR WALMART FANS!!!!!!!!!!
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks." That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check theresults. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart. "