A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
To that the man asks, "Anything??" And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"
With that, the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does. He then says, "Get on your knees." She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does. He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."
With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to it and, while holding it close to her lips, she says....
"Hello...Mom?" ______________________
A couple had been married for 30 years, and on their anniversary they decided to go back to the same hotel where they had spent their blissful wedding night.
Her husband was laying on the bed when she came out of the bathroom totally nude, just as she had 30 years before. She stood seductively before him and asked, "Tell me, darling, what were you thinking 30 years ago when I came out of the bathroom like this?" He replied, "I took one look at you and thought I'd like to screw your brains out and suck your boobs dry."
"And what are you thinking now, baby?" she asked huskily.
"I'm thinking I did a pretty good job of it!" ___________________ A guy has been asking the dumbest blonde in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited.
He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way."Well, OK," he says, "how about a blow job?"
"EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!" the blonde screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"
He says, "Well, then, how about a hand job?"
"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"
The dumb blonde nods.
"Well, it's just like that."
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!"
__________________
Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
