To stay or to leave.................

X4v13r · Comandante

RE: To stay or to leave.................

El Pibe · Guru

take yourself out of that equation, and tell him that until they settle their problems you shouldn't be communicating. Don't add fuel to the fire.

Motown Junkie · TOP Guru

I feel sick.

His wife "found" out about me and has pretty much called in sick for the day. She's waiting for him to get home and I think I've managed to start WWIII.

Guadalupana · Foro Master

For the sake and mental health of the children, he should leave. Seeing your parents not love eachother is very hurtful to a child. Not something they should grow up with.

Motown Junkie · TOP Guru

Julie wrote:

Ok to be honest I haven't read all the answers but from my point of view, he should leave.
Sure kids will suffer bc it is hard for them to understand, if ever but I think on the long run it is way worst for them.

I mean what kind of atmosphere can they have @ home, certainly not a welcoming and loving nest, plus when they are going to grow up, they are going to realize that someting is wrong. I don't thnk that will teach them anything good and they will most likely suffer from it.

Sure it means that @ one point or another, he will not get to see his kids that often but that's part of life.

Another thing, why having another child !!! C'mon MJ, I mean, this guys wasn't happy in marriage @ the early stage, knew his wife, during the time off had a good time (him too maybe) and they still have another child ? That's ****'d up.

I would have leave time ago and i don't think. Hasta cierto punto I feel like he is using the kids as an excuse to his cobardia and fears. It will definitively not going to be easy starting from scratch again but when it is necessary (as it seems here), it the the right and only thing to do por el bien de todos.

Thanks for the input!

Oh, I should've been more specific. They had the second one before she cheated. Are you kidding me girl? He wants NO MORE children with this woman.

And I do agree with you. I think he's using the kids as an excuse but I do know he doesn't want to part from them at all. I think the idea of just visiting them is killer for him.

Julie · Comandante

Ok to be honest I haven't read all the answers but from my point of view, he should leave.
Sure kids will suffer bc it is hard for them to understand, if ever but I think on the long run it is way worst for them.

I mean what kind of atmosphere can they have @ home, certainly not a welcoming and loving nest, plus when they are going to grow up, they are going to realize that someting is wrong. I don't thnk that will teach them anything good and they will most likely suffer from it.

Sure it means that @ one point or another, he will not get to see his kids that often but that's part of life.

Another thing, why having another child !!! C'mon MJ, I mean, this guys wasn't happy in marriage @ the early stage, knew his wife, during the time off had a good time (him too maybe) and they still have another child ? That's ****'d up.

I would have leave time ago and i don't think. Hasta cierto punto I feel like he is using the kids as an excuse to his cobardia and fears. It will definitively not going to be easy starting from scratch again but when it is necessary (as it seems here), it the the right and only thing to do por el bien de todos.

TV Buff · TOP Guru

He's such a showman, Juan Gabriel. I'd love to see him live. That was a great video.

Is it true he's married, like, to a woman?

X4v13r · Comandante

man, is that guy ever gay

I really enjoyed the video

thnx for sharing

~X

God · Foro Master

angelita wrote:

@ GOD - LOL I love Juan Gabriel!!

Same here...My dad meet him, My dad went to Univ in El Paso Texas, right across Juarez end he meet him in a Local Bar in Juarez called "El Noa Noa"...and years later my dad took us there and We went to that Bar...

angelita · Guru

@ GOD - LOL I love Juan Gabriel!!

latinsoulchild · TOP Guru

LOL...que tremendo putolin ese JuanGa...

God · Foro Master

MJ's friend might find this useful

GENIE · Foro Master

Ok back on Topic now!

Girl i know its hard i had a guy friend tell me the same thing like two years ago and the best advice i gave him was to go to a marriage consultant and see how it goes from there. But if hes not willing to try that then tell him to do everything the right way! Talk to her and tell her hes done he cant trust her and he cant be with her! then to go to the courts and file for separation purposes and to put adultry on there just so when the divorce time comes he wont get screwed and it also helps when custody time comes around! I know that if he does that he will get joint custody and then the courts will make it mandatory for them to get everyother weekend and holidays and that fun stuff!! Plus it might end on a good note as a pose to a nasty divorce and the kids wont be effected as much!

luna chiquitita · TOP Guru

I GOT PROPS FROM THE FORO NAZIS!!! yaaaaa... MAMA'S ON FIYAH! :fire:

TV Buff · TOP Guru

Motown Junkie wrote:

luna chiquitita wrote: MJ... u are right to worry about karma or you being blamed for whatever. So rather than tell him to leave help him get to the point where he feels its a right decision. A decision he's made, not one you've given him.Go over the pros and cons of both situations. Help him realize that neither environment (if they stay together or separate) is necessarily good for the kids, but he has to think about which one is least damaging. If they stay as a family, will they do things as a family, trips, dinner, hanging out? Probably not.Anyway, my point is, help him see things from both ends of the stick and let him come to the conclusion. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it -- Edited by luna chiquitita at 10:06, 2007-03-30 Holy crap that was good!!! I'm with Buffy on this one!!!

Tip (no pun intended): just make sure when you say "stick" his mind's not in the gutter. Or he doesn't make you use props.

Motown Junkie · TOP Guru

luna chiquitita wrote:

MJ... u are right to worry about karma or you being blamed for whatever. So rather than tell him to leave help him get to the point where he feels its a right decision. A decision he's made, not one you've given him.

Go over the pros and cons of both situations. Help him realize that neither environment (if they stay together or separate) is necessarily good for the kids, but he has to think about which one is least damaging. If they stay as a family, will they do things as a family, trips, dinner, hanging out? Probably not.

Anyway, my point is, help him see things from both ends of the stick and let him come to the conclusion. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it

-- Edited by luna chiquitita at 10:06, 2007-03-30

Holy crap that was good!!! I'm with Buffy on this one!!!

TV Buff · TOP Guru

luna chiquitita wrote:

MJ... u are right to worry about karma or you being blamed for whatever. So rather than tell him to leave help him get to the point where he feels its a right decision. A decision he's made, not one you've given him.

Go over the pros and cons of both situations. Help him realize that neither environment (if they stay together or separate) is necessarily good for the kids, but he has to think about which one is least damaging. If they stay as a family, will they do things as a family, trips, dinner, hanging out? Probably not.

Anyway, my point is, help him see things from both ends of the stick and let him come to the conclusion. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it

-- Edited by luna chiquitita at 10:06, 2007-03-30

You are very wise, mi pequeña saltamontes.... which is truly a shock on this end.

Yeah, what la lunática said...

luna chiquitita · TOP Guru

MJ... u are right to worry about karma or you being blamed for whatever. So rather than tell him to leave help him get to the point where he feels its a right decision. A decision he's made, not one you've given him.

Go over the pros and cons of both situations. Help him realize that neither environment (if they stay together or separate) is necessarily good for the kids, but he has to think about which one is least damaging. If they stay as a family, will they do things as a family, trips, dinner, hanging out? Probably not.

Anyway, my point is, help him see things from both ends of the stick and let him come to the conclusion. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it

-- Edited by luna chiquitita at 10:06, 2007-03-30

Jaime Cruz · Foro Master

God wrote:

Jaime Cruz wrote: If I were him I'd would leave. He can leave his wife and not abandon his children.Getting divorced does not make you a bad parent. No dude...is not that easy..you have to cover your arse...to walk out of home just like that is not good in the eyes of a judge.

Ya I know what you mean. By leaving I mean divorcing and parting ways with the spouse. If it's a clean split there will hopefully be no issues with child custody, but it all depends on how freaky the spouse is.

X4v13r · Comandante

God wrote:

X4v13r wrote:God wrote:Jaime Cruz wrote:If I were him I'd would leave. He can leave his wife and not abandon his children.Getting divorced does not make you a bad parent. No dude...is not that easy..you have to cover your arse...to walk out of home just like that is not good in the eyes of a judge.I'm sure adultery/threatening is also not good in the eyes of the judge.~XYou know what the Judge is gonna tell you...

You are a man ! are you scared of this inofensive woman ! Look at her....

I would say, I thought we where equal!?

~X

God · Foro Master

Sometimes the Woman of Your dreams becomes your Worst Nightmare.

God · Foro Master

X4v13r wrote:

God wrote:Jaime Cruz wrote:If I were him I'd would leave. He can leave his wife and not abandon his children.Getting divorced does not make you a bad parent. No dude...is not that easy..you have to cover your arse...to walk out of home just like that is not good in the eyes of a judge.

I'm sure adultery/threatening is also not good in the eyes of the judge.

~X

You know what the Judge is gonna tell you...

You are a man ! are you scared of this inofensive woman ! Look at her....

X4v13r · Comandante

God wrote:

Motown Junkie wrote:Dogo wrote: LeaveIt's certainly not healthy for him, and probably also for his wife, and it can't be healthy for the kidsThe only part that would suck is that if she's a total biotch and will give him the runaround with seeing the kids, custody, etc That's what I forgot to mention!!!She is like that. She's got a serious guilty conscience for what she did but she always "threatens" him.Clearly she wears the pants in the household.
Because she knows Guys always get the short side of the stick ... no matter what.
Problably she is gonna walk with 50% of the monies of the house, Pension Plan, RSP's , Car, fortniture, and if she gets a good lawyer problably Spousal Support and make the hubby to pay her lawyer.
And chil Support.

thats f@ck up and so wrong, I don't get it, all this girls want equal rights and

than when it comes to this the guys have to pay for everything, if u want equal rights EVERYTHING should be equal.

~X

God · Foro Master

Dogo wrote:

God wrote: Dogo wrote: LeaveIt's certainly not healthy for him, and probably also for his wife, and it can't be healthy for the kidsThe only part that would suck is that if she's a total biotch and will give him the runaround with seeing the kids, custody, etc Ask me about it.I can say that I'm very, VERY lucky that way (considering) but I realize I'm not the "norm"
And I've heard many horror stories... that's got to suck cu-lo for sure

Oh man If you only knew....I'm well known in the courts..... biggrin

Imagine your Ex telling you "You wont be able to see your kid for Xmas"
just because she feels like....

X4v13r · Comandante

God wrote:

Jaime Cruz wrote:If I were him I'd would leave. He can leave his wife and not abandon his children.Getting divorced does not make you a bad parent. No dude...is not that easy..you have to cover your arse...to walk out of home just like that is not good in the eyes of a judge.

I'm sure adultery/threatening is also not good in the eyes of the judge.

~X

God · Foro Master

Motown Junkie wrote:

Dogo wrote: LeaveIt's certainly not healthy for him, and probably also for his wife, and it can't be healthy for the kidsThe only part that would suck is that if she's a total biotch and will give him the runaround with seeing the kids, custody, etc
That's what I forgot to mention!!!She is like that. She's got a serious guilty conscience for what she did but she always "threatens" him.Clearly she wears the pants in the household.

Because she knows Guys always get the short side of the stick ... no matter what.

Problably she is gonna walk with 50% of the monies of the house, Pension Plan, RSP's , Car, fortniture, and if she gets a good lawyer problably Spousal Support and make the hubby to pay her lawyer.

And child Support.

-- Edited by God at 09:51, 2007-03-30

Dogo · Comandante

God wrote:

Dogo wrote: LeaveIt's certainly not healthy for him, and probably also for his wife, and it can't be healthy for the kidsThe only part that would suck is that if she's a total biotch and will give him the runaround with seeing the kids, custody, etc
Ask me about it.

I can say that I'm very, VERY lucky that way (considering) but I realize I'm not the "norm"
And I've heard many horror stories... that's got to suck cu-lo for sure

God · Foro Master

Jaime Cruz wrote:

If I were him I'd would leave. He can leave his wife and not abandon his children.
Getting divorced does not make you a bad parent.

No dude...is not that easy..you have to cover your arse...to walk out of home just like that is not good in the eyes of a judge.

McOSIRIS · Comandante

Dogo wrote:

PS. women are wack!

Motown Junkie · TOP Guru

Dogo wrote:

Leave
It's certainly not healthy for him, and probably also for his wife, and it can't be healthy for the kids
The only part that would suck is that if she's a total biotch and will give him the runaround with seeing the kids, custody, etc

That's what I forgot to mention!!!

She is like that. She's got a serious guilty conscience for what she did but she always "threatens" him.

Clearly she wears the pants in the household.

Jaime Cruz · Foro Master

If I were him I'd would leave. He can leave his wife and not abandon his children.
Getting divorced does not make you a bad parent.

Dogo · Comandante

PS. women are wack!

God · Foro Master

Dogo wrote:

Leave
It's certainly not healthy for him, and probably also for his wife, and it can't be healthy for the kids
The only part that would suck is that if she's a total biotch and will give him the runaround with seeing the kids, custody, etc

Ask me about it.

Dogo · Comandante

Leave
It's certainly not healthy for him, and probably also for his wife, and it can't be healthy for the kids
The only part that would suck is that if she's a total biotch and will give him the runaround with seeing the kids, custody, etc

God · Foro Master

Okay..If he's gonna stay because he love his kids ..thats wrong because the environment is gonna be Hostile all the time sometimes to leave is better for the kids......You can be a good father even when you are not there...

When My Ex wife left me I thought the same but I realize when a woman decides to leave you is because she has been thinking about it way before which means that there's no love, and there's no point to pretend to be the happy "family" kids sense it.

Best advice is to be honest with the kids, tell them whats going on and reassure them that dad will be there for them anytime and very important to tell them is not their fault .

X4v13r · Comandante

Motown Junkie wrote:

Yeah......... I agree with both of you but I don't want to tell him to leave. God forbid something happens then everyone will put the blame on me or start pointing fingers.I think I should just keep my mouth shut.

he asked u for help, nothing wrong with u telling him ur point, is up to him to take action on it, he is not a kid and u don't have a gun to his head.

~X

Motown Junkie · TOP Guru

Yeah......... I agree with both of you but I don't want to tell him to leave. God forbid something happens then everyone will put the blame on me or start pointing fingers.

I think I should just keep my mouth shut.

luna chiquitita · TOP Guru

hmm.. this one's a toughie 'cause of the kids involved. BUT one should NOT stay in a marriage just because of the kids. As you said, the kids are getting older and they will sense the tension and the hostility between their parents. Sometimes is healthier for the parents not to be together for the SAKE of the kids. That's what happened with my bro and his ex wife. They just couldn't be together anymore and it go to the point that it was affecting my nephew so they called it quits. The truth of the matter is, he's NOT walking on his daughters, he's just leaving a bad marriage. He doesn't stop being the father of his two little girls and he could be an amazing dad even if he doesn't live with them. It'll be hard but its not impossible.

X4v13r · Comandante

Motown Junkie wrote:

I found an old friend on Facebook and we've been catching up after all these years.

Just the other day, he asked if he could have a serious conversation with me and I said "SURE!". He said he's never told anyone this but he was only telling me because we were good friends back in the day and he knew he could trust me.

He's been married for 10 years now. After the 2nd year of marriage, he pretty much wanted out but he stuck it out because of his daughter. About 2 years ago, his wife said, "I need some space." cheated on him, and then came back after 3 months. He stuck it out because of his now TWO daughters. He told me that ever since that day, he's never been able to trust her, things aren't the same, and that he's the greatest actor ever. He said he didn't want to end up like his dad who left his mom.

I didn't know what to say because they looked like a happy family but do you think it's right for him to stay just for the kids?!

I'm kind of mixed about it all. I want him to stay for the kids too because (speaking from personal experience) it sucks when your parents split up but then I thought to myself that his kids are getting older and sooner or later they're going to sense trouble.

What's the best advice to give? I told him to try marital counselling but he gave me that signature line, "I love her because she's the mother of my children, but I'm not in love with her and you can't force yourself to love someone."

So now I dunno. I know he needs a friend to talk to but now I find myself changing the subject.

-- Edited by Motown Junkie at 09:25, 2007-03-30

Leave!!!!!, I mean, if u can't trust the person u r with that marriage/relationship is over, I know for a fact that if i wasn't able to trust the person I'm with i be out in no time........u can't have a happy marriage/relationship if the trust is gone.

Sometimes is better for the kids that the parents go their own way......staying together and having una vida sin vida is not healthy for them or the kids.

~X

Motown Junkie · TOP Guru

I found an old friend on Facebook and we've been catching up after all these years.

Just the other day, he asked if he could have a serious conversation with me and I said "SURE!". He said he's never told anyone this but he was only telling me because we were good friends back in the day and he knew he could trust me.

He's been married for 10 years now. After the 2nd year of marriage, he pretty much wanted out but he stuck it out because of his daughter. About 2 years ago, his wife said, "I need some space." cheated on him, and then came back after 3 months. He stuck it out because of his now TWO daughters. He told me that ever since that day, he's never been able to trust her, things aren't the same, and that he's the greatest actor ever. He said he didn't want to end up like his dad who left his mom.

I didn't know what to say because they looked like a happy family but do you think it's right for him to stay just for the kids?!

I'm kind of mixed about it all. I want him to stay for the kids too because (speaking from personal experience) it sucks when your parents split up but then I thought to myself that his kids are getting older and sooner or later they're going to sense trouble.

What's the best advice to give? I told him to try marital counselling but he gave me that signature line, "I love her because she's the mother of my children, but I'm not in love with her and you can't force yourself to love someone."

So now I dunno.

I know he needs a friend to talk to but now I find myself changing the subject.

-- Edited by Motown Junkie at 09:25, 2007-03-30