Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [Imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?!] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that sign right?
