Be careful with what you ask....

LAB_ · Guru

RE: Be careful with what you ask....

LAB_ · Guru

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." says the pirate.

"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asked the bartender.

"We were in another battle." replied the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

So the bartender asks, "What about that eye patch?"

The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them sh@t straight into my eye."

"You're kidding, " said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird sh@t"

The pirate responds, "It was my first day with the hook."

-- Edited by LAB_ at 09:23, 2006-04-04

LAB_ · Guru

The REAL trailer for Memoires of a Geisha. LOL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TSWaKWiAhY&feature=Views&page=3&t=a&f=b

LAB_ · Guru

You know you're having a bad day when your horn sticks on the freeway while driving behind a large group of Hell's Angels motorcyclists.

You know you're having a bad day when your twin sister forgets your birthday.

You know you're having a bad day when you call you wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight, and when you return home you find a sandwich on the front porch.

LAB_ · Guru

Two Texans were talking about their favorite sexual position. One texan said his favorite sexual position was "rodeo".

The other Texan said, "Rodeo? I don't believe I've ever heard of the "rodeo" position. What is it?"

The other Texan said, "It's like this: when my wife and I are doin´it doggy style, and she's about ready to orgasm, I lean over and whisper in her ear, ¨This is just how your sister likes doing it"... and then I try to hold on for the next eight seconds!!."

LAB_ · Guru

Cuz you may get even more!

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment, the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in the pit lane.

The first race came along and the car came into the pits. The youths went to work but the McLaren team boss noticed a real problem.

Not only had the youths replaced all four wheels within four seconds, but within 10 seconds, they'd re-sprayed and re-numbered the car and sold it to the Ferrari Team.