NUMBER 9 - GOOD HEALTH IS MERELY THE SLOWEST POSSIBLE RATE AT WHICH ONE CAN DIE.
NUMBER 8 - MEN HAVE TWO EMOTIONS: HUNGRY AND HORNY. IF YOU SEE HIM WITHOUT AN ERECTION, MAKE HIM A SANDWICH.
NUMBER 7 - GIVE A PERSON A FISH AND YOU FEED THEM FOR A DAY: TEACH A PERSON TO USE THE INTERNET AND THEY WON'T BOTHER YOU FOR WEEKS.
NUMBER 6 - SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE A SLINKY...NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT YOU STILL CAN'T HELP BUT SMILE WHEN YOU SEE ONE TUMBLE DOWN THE STAIRS.
NUMBER 5 - HEALTH NUTS ARE GOING TO FEEL STUPID SOMEDAY, LYING IN HOSPITALS DYING OF NOTHING.
NUMBER 4 - ALL OF US COULD TAKE A LESSON FROM THE WEATHER. IT PAYS NO ATTENTION TO CRITICISM.
NUMBER 3 - WHY DOES A SLIGHT TAX INCREASE COST YOU TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS AND A SUBSTANTIAL TAX CUT SAVES YOU THIRTY CENTS?
NUMBER 2 - IN THE 60'S, PEOPLE TOOK ACID TO MAKE THE WORLD WEIRD. NOW THE WORLD IS WEIRD AND PEOPLE TAKE PROZAC TO MAKE IT NORMAL.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006 -
WE KNOW EXACTLY WHERE ONE COW WITH MAD-COW DISEASE IS LOCATED AMONG THE MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF COWS IN AMERICA, BUT WE HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE AS TO WHERE THOUSANDS OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AND TERRORISTS ARE LOCATED. MAYBE WE SHOULD PUT THE DEPARTMENT OF AGRICULTURE IN CHARGE OF HOMELAND SECURITY.
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"To be a good Promoter you must have the heart of a Gambler and the mind of a Computer"
