of course, tenian que ser hombres. Creen que todo tubo llega al mismo lugar.
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The opinions expressed by this poster can be offensive and are mainly directed at Dogo. Delta gamma b i t c h-orama. Copyright 2008 All rights reserved.
One Irishman was downing them faster than usual when the man on the barstool next to him said, "What's wrong?"
The first Irishman said, "I'm drinking to the memory of me wife. She was a saint on earth. She went to church every single morning, spent her days reading and quoting the Scriptures, sang hymns and psalms all evening, filled our house with religious statues and paintings, and invited priests and nuns to dinner three times a week."
"She sounds like an angel," the second man commented, "I suppose the good Lord took her early to Himself."
"No," the first Irishman replied. "I strangled her."
A teacher is explaining biology to her students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say 'F@ck!' the rottweiler ate him!"
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you? Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
Un borracho al cruzar el puente de un río, comenzó a gritar >desesperadamente: >¡Una ballena! ¡Una ballena! >Y no paraba de gritarlo, hasta que un hombre al pasar por el mismo lugar le >recrimina diciéndole: >¡Borracho tonto! ¿Cuándo se ha visto pasar a una ballena por un río? >A lo que el borracho desesperado responde: >¡No señor, se me cayeron dos botellas! ¡ y una va llenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! > > > >· > >Va un cura corriendo porque lo persigue un león de repente el cura se >arrodilla y dice: >Señor, te pido que este león se vuelva cristiano. >El león se arrodilla y dice: >Señor, bendice estos alimentos que voy a consumir. > >· > >Hay un montón de manzanas en un árbol y de repente una se cae. Todas las de >arriba empiezan a reírse y a burlarse de la que se ha caído y ésta >responde: >No os riáis, ¡Inmaduras! > >· > >Un hombre va al cielo y le preguntan: >¿Nombre y apellidos? >Manolo Gutiérrez. >Vaya por Dios, no me aparece en pantalla. >Pero, ¿Y eso?, si yo he sido muy bueno, muy bueno. >Pues no sé, va a tener usted que pasar por el infierno. >Pero, joder, si yo... >Nada, nada, ya le digo que su nombre no aparece en la pantalla, y por favor >no nos interrumpa que tenemos mucho lío. >Llega al infierno: >¿Nombre y apellidos? >Manolo Gutiérrez. >Uhm, no aparece en pantalla, va tener usted que pasar por el purgatorio. >Pero oiga, ¿Qué dice? >Sí, sí y además no me entretenga, ¿No ve que estoy ocupado? >Llega al purgatorio. >¿Nombre y apellidos? >Manolo Gutiérrez. >No, no parece en pantalla, tiene >usted que reencarnarse. Puede elegir entre un rinoceronte del Congo o una >gallina andaluza. >Pero... >Ni pero ni leches, a reencarnarse ya mismo. >De repente Manolo que aparece en una granja (convertido en gallina) entre >otras dos gallinas. >Esto, ¿También reencarnación? >Sí, ¿Y aquí, qué hay que hacer? >Pues poner huevos. >¿Y eso? >Sino te pasan a la sala de despiece. >¿Y cómo ponen huevos?, yo no he puesto huevos en mi vida. >Apretando. >¿Apretando? >Sí, sí, sí, aprieta. >Gghrmhnrrrmeegrnmnmgreggmmh... >¡Manolo! ¡Manolo! ¡Despierta que te estas cagando! >
>· > >Un hombre llega a pedir trabajo en una farmacia o droguería, el >administrador le dice: >OK, le puedo dar el empleo pero si usted habla inglés. >Claro, yo hablo inglés. >Demuéstrelo y atienda a ese cliente que está entrando. >Cliente: ¿Hay ampolletas? >Solicitante: Welcome mister Polletas, I'm Jorge.
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again
and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again
he asks the little old lady
why they don't eat the peanuts themselves.
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay."
