A guy tells his psychiatrist: "It was terrible. I was away on business, and sent an e-mail to my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?"
"Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t get your e-mail."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says: "What the hell was that all about?"
A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"Douchebag!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douchebag."
this is a bit politically incorrect but at least no nationality is identified. Sigh.
Mujibar was trying to get into the USA legally through immigration. The INS officer said, "Mujibar, congratulations, you have passed all the tests so far, except there is one more test to take. Unless you pass this one you cannot enter the United States of America."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
The officer said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes Green, Green, Green and I Pink it up and say Yellow, this is Mujibar."
Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at Verizon's help desk. I just talked to him yesterday.
A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant.
The husband kept looking over at a nearby table where a lady sat in a drunken stupor. The wife asks "I notice you've been watching that lady for some time now. Do you know her?"
"Yes" he replies, "she's my ex-wife, and has been drinking like that since I left her seven years ago."
"That's unbelievable" the wife replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."
President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit a Church outside Washington D.C.
Karl Rove made a visit to the Bishop and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among your membership because of Bush's position on stem cell research and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."
The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."
Bush pompously shows up looking especially smug as the sermon progresses.
The Bishop begins his homily: "George Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit".
"He is a liar,a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in a jet plane landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.'
"He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He is the worst example of a christian I've ever personally known"
"But, compared to Dick Cheney, George Bush is a saint."
08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story 18 - You tell her a story to take her to bed 28 - You don't need to tell her any story to take her to bed 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed...
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they know what is what but they dont know what is what they just strut what the F__K
lol 
"Live the life that you love, so you can love the life that you live"
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