-Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
-Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
-There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
-Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day
-Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.