Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them, immediately.
First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer:
If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up in the next question.
Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person? YOU are the last person.
You're not very good at this are you?
Third Question: Very tricky math! Note! : This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Answer:
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!
Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter? (a, e, i, o, u)? Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course, not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.
SHORT JOKES.... __________________________________________________________________________ Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!! Q:What is the difference between a huband and a boyfriend? A:About 45 minutes !! ___________________________________________________________________ WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! ____________________________________________________________________ What's the difference between a **** and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a **** sleeps with everyone except you. ______________________________________________________________________________________ What do Germans use for birth control? Their personalities! ____________________________________________________________ Incest. A game the whole family can play! ____________________________________________________________ He who laughs last doesn't get the joke.
Hey Lady Bug you been spending too much time with .......some funny people!!!
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NADIE ES HONESTO EN ESTE MUNDO!! Y NO MIENTAS PORQUE HASTA TU HAS MENTIDO ...
Cómo tienes las pompis?? >> >>De llamarada: Chiquitas y quemadas. >>De comediante: Te las ven un día y se ríen toda la semana. >>De pastelito Twinky: Esponjaditas y suavecitas. >>De aspirina: Planas y con raya en medio. >>De tarea: Planas, planas y mal hechas. >>De cuarto de mesón o vecindad: Metidas, metidas y hasta el fondo. >>De Chupacabras: Nunca nadie las ha visto. >>De columpio de parque: Colgadas, oxidadas y muy usadas. >>De pera: Colgadas pero buenas. >>De durazno: Redondas, sonrosadas y aterciopeladas. >>De mango: Carnosas y listas para chuparse. >>De ciencias sociales: Tienen mucha historia y todos las reconocen. >>De cebolla: Están para llorar. >>De tomate: Buenas y coloradas. >>De peso mexicano: Muuuuy devaluadas. >>De viuda: Tristes y >>deprimidas. >>De viuda alegre: Tristes pero inspiradas. >>De mansión de millonario: Quitan la respiración. >>De Kung Fu: Kung..fun..didas con la espalda. >>De búfalo: Grandes y deformes. >>De merenguera: Se mueven con mucho swing. >>De osito de peluche: Redondas y peludas. >>Por lo tanto amigos y amigas, >>busquen un espejo de mano y otro de pared, y ubíquense!!!!
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. 2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. 4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. 5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. 6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked. 7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. :8. WARNING The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. 10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
Once there was a bus of 100 ugly people. The bus swerved off the road and they all died. When they went to Heaven God felt bad for them and gave them each one wish. The first guy came up and said... "I wish I was handsome." So God made him handsome. So next a woman came up and said... "I wish I was beautiful." So God made her beautiful. They came up one by one wishing to be beautiful and handsome. Meanwhile, the guy in the back is laughing hysterically. God asks him what is so funny. "Oh nothing" he says. When his turn arises God says, "Okay whats your wish?" He replies, "pfft, make em all ugly again."
Had to go back in the vault to find and interesting thread again.
I'm reviving the Joke thread. Hopefully you guys will drop a few jokes.
I'll start.
Drawbacks to working in a cubicle
) Being told to "Think Outside the Box" when I'm in the darn box all day!
2) Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who is behind me.
3) Fabric cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.
4) That nagging feeling that if I just press the right button, I will get a piece of cheese.
5) Lack of roof rafters for the noose.
6) My walls are too close together for my hammock to work right.
7) 23 power cords, 1 outlet.
8) Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.
9) When tours come through, I get lots of peanuts thrown at me.
10) Can't slam the door when you quit and walk out.
11) If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say "What? I didn't hear you."
12) If your boss calls you and askes you to come into his office for a minute the walk there is like a funeral march... people hand you tissues as you pass and refuse to make eye contact.
13) You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your trousers," she said. "That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your attitude changes."
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"To be a good Promoter you must have the heart of a Gambler and the mind of a Computer"
A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look. She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, ''Sir, how old do you think I am''? The man replies ''You're 30, right?'' She says ''No, I'm 47, but nice try.''
The next day, she goes to McDonald's. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, ''How old do you think I am?'' The man replies, ''You're 37, right?'' The lady says ''No, I'm 47, but good guess.''
After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is. He replies ''Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties.'' So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so. He thinks a moment and announces, ''You're 47!'' The lady, astonished, asks, ''How did you know?'' The old man replies ''I was standing right behind you at McDonald's.''
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"To be a good Promoter you must have the heart of a Gambler and the mind of a Computer"
__________________________________________________________________________ Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!! Q:What is the difference between a huband and a boyfriend? A:About 45 minutes !! ___________________________________________________________________ WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! ____________________________________________________________________ What's the difference between a **** and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a **** sleeps with everyone except you. ______________________________________________________________________________________ What do Germans use for birth control? Their personalities! ____________________________________________________________ Incest. A game the whole family can play! ____________________________________________________________ He who laughs last doesn't get the joke. 
