I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to

send me your messages and chain letters over the past year.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy

Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it has the ability to

remove toilet stains.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could

be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell

like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me

with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are

actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain

will change my sexuality

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are mutants with no eyes

or  feathers.

I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my

kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I

forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who

has been dying for the past seven years.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I

receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for

participating in their special e-mail program..

I will now return the favor.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60

seconds, A large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 PM

and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know

this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a

friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer, so there.