THE THOUGHTS THAT WERE RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD..... C'MON WHAT AM I TO THINK IF I READ "GENIE'S FEELING FUNNY?!?" GIRL... YOU HAD ME WORRIED.... BUT YOU MADE ME SMILE.... THANKS!!!
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TO SOLVE THE HUMAN EQUATION, WE NEED TO ADD LOVE, SUBTRACT HATE, MULTIPLY GOOD, AND DIVIDE BETWEEN TRUTH AND ERROR!!
> A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first > graders using a bowl of lifesavers candies. > He gave all the children the same kinds of lifesavers one at a time, > and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. > The children began to say: > "Red..........cherry." > "Yellow......lemon." > "Green.......lime." > "Orange .....orange." > Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers. > After eating them or a few moments none of the children could > identify the taste. > "Well", he said, "I'll give you all a clue,it's what your mother may > call your father at times." > One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out,and > yelled," Oh My God! They're ASSHOLE"s!"
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up"?
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, brow lift, lip enhancement, boob job, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied, "Girrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you!"
