Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like a Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: "If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."
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Dios nos conceda SERENIDAD para aceptar las cosas que no podemos cambiar, VALOR para cambiar las que podemos, y SABIDURIA para conocer la diferencia.
Roses are red violets are korny, when I think of you Ohh baby I get horny...
