Lahtina: I agree. The last line is killing me too. I don't know whether I should continue it, change it or let it be.
Daeveed: Un cuento, por breve que sea, es capaz de resaltar el acerbo filosófico de su autor. Now more than ever, I'm interested in your opinion, bro. PM me if a public opinion is too much to ask for.
Zero wrote: Give me your honest opinion, please...just don't be too harsh. Uninvited Sadness cannot be avoided.She needs no invitation.She creeps into my heart,unpacks her bags and settles in.I play her favorite music And treat her to some chocolate.Then we'll sit for hours Thinking about what has been lost,What I lack or think I need.Sometimes we even cry togetherAlthough I suspect she doesn't cryBut has a chuckle at my expenseOr is she happy to know I will not ask her yet to go?Sometimes I cannot sleepWith all the noise she makes upstairsShe goes through the memoriesI have stored in boxesShe says those memories should stay freshOtherwise I'd forget who I am. Zero
The last line ... hmmmm ... it's missing something. I don't know, no me convence.
Zero wrote: And by the way, how is "give me your honest opinion" related to "an unusual afternoon?" Now we know which one of us is the brains in the family. then I have the looks
**Disclaimer**All avatar images have been altered to display a 'cute' Daeveed. Daeveed is not to be held responsible for distorted mental pictures and or dreams.
See? I'm not just a pretty face.... ...actually I'm not even a pretty face
**Disclaimer** All avatar images have been altered to display a 'cute' Daeveed. Daeveed is not to be held responsible for distorted mental pictures and or dreams.
@Zero,.. u really put ur feelings and emotions in this poem,. really nice because express what is inside urself,.. keep writing ,..
@Daeveed,. I like ur poems,. thoughts,. ur writting,. those are in ur page,.. give us the link again,. pls,.. uno de mis recursos favoritos es la metafora ,.,y tu lo usas mucho,.. sigue escribieno,.. porfavor y gracias,..
@Caliche,.. awwwwwww,..tan lindo,. yo sabia que adentro ,. muy dentro de ti,. hay dulzura,..
A SHORT POEM FOR THE LADIES: SI POR VERTE ME DAN LA MUERTE, Y POR NO VERTE ME DAN LA VIDA. PREFIERO VETRE Y RECIBIR MUERTE QUE VIVIR SIN VERTE. BRAP!! BRAP!! RUDE BWOAY CALICHE!!
R u sure that's an original?
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Delta Gamma B i t c h - oramaCopyright 2008 All Rights Reserved
Otra vez aca sentado mirando al vidrio de colores, apretando botones que desentierran orgias de emociones, y turbulentos huracanes de pensamientos. Mi vida se ha reducido a apretar botones, levantar fierros y pulsar cuerdas. Dia tras dia estas tres actividades son las que satisfacen mis necesidades fisicas y mentales. El corazon ya lo tengo duro, duro como las yemas de mis dedos izquierdos, maltratadas por las cuerdas de mi eterno amor. Pero a veces...pocas veces, salgo de mi vida y me encuentro con toda la basura que tire fuera de ella, que algunas veces no tengo idea porque tire para empezar. Encuentro peluches, autos, amigos, amores, odios, viajes al campo, montañas bajo mis pies, olas saladas salpicandome la espalda, entre otras muchas cosas... Hay tanta basura que tire fuera de mi vida, que otra gente empezo a recogerla y quedarse con ella. Cada dia veo a mas de alguno, llevandose lo que alguna vez fue mio y que en cierto punto de mi vida decidi que no queria o no necesitaba. Que va a pasar cuando se lleven toda la basura que tire fuera de mi vida? Estuve tan ensimismado en tener una vida libre de basura, que nunca pense en reciclar siquiera. Ahora mi vida se torna minimalista por decir lo menos. En cada dia que olvido, apreto botones; algunos levanto fierros, y otros pulso cuerdas; sin embargo los pocos dias que recuerdo, son aquellos cuando sali de mi vida y me puse a husmear entre mi basura. Un dia hasta sali persiguiendo a un tipo que se quiso llevar uno de mis viajes a la montaña!! Que se imagina ese weon?? que puede llegar asi como asi no mas y llevarse basura de quien quiera? "Pero si esta es basura!" me dijo cuando lo agarre de la chaqueta. "Pero es MI basura!!" le replique desesperado, al ver que tenia un punto valido "...y se queda aqui conmigo!". A pesar de todo, yo ya la habia botado de mi vida y por lo tanto, se suponia que no la queria mas. "Como quieras" me dijo arreglandose una manga, "Pero si la dejas ahi mucho tiempo, alguien sin duda se la va a llevar". Al decir eso se fue caminando, y yo me quede ahi parado con mi viaje a la montaña entre mis manos. Me empece a imaginar como seria su vida, llena de eventos y cosas que alguna vez pertenecieron a otras personas y que el, vagando por entre vidas ajenas, se construia. Debo confesar que por un momento me dieron ganas de copiarlo, de alejarme de mi vida y empezar a recorrer por las de otros, eligiendo los mejores trozos de basura, desechados por otros como yo. Pero luego me di cuenta de algo bastante importante, que pinto una sonrisa en mis ojos instantaneamente. No necesito estar escarbando en basuras ajenas si tengo tanta basura linda en mi propio espacio; tanta basura que protejo aunque la mayor parte del tiempo este fuera de mi vida, olvidada. Me devolvi entonces y me puse a seleccionar cuidadosamente mi basura. La separe en cuatro categorias: 'Inolvidable','Memorable','Doloroso', y 'Basura'. Cuando termine de categorizar, me di cuenta que tuve que eliminar una categoria, pues no habia nada en la seccion 'Basura'.
The afternoon seemed a bit more pale than usual, with a thin fog descending over the streets. It was one of those afternoons when nobody can be seen outside, except by a few ones of course. I was now one of those few, one more of the creepy characters who wander the streets only when nobody else does. The fact that today was one of those holidays when every family gathers around the warmth of a fireplace, obviously made the streets even emptier. I didn't know exactly where I was going, I just knew I had to be there, walking through the thin afternoon fog. Did I have a family?? I wasn't sure. I mean, of course I had parents and siblings; and maybe even lived under the same roof at one point, but did I have a family?? a family? It didn't really matter, the afternoon was pale, and I was outside, wandering without a fixed destination again. The fog was getting thicker and thicker. I could then visualize what seemed like a human silouhette about 30 meters ahead of me, but I wasn't sure if it was moving towards or away from me, I've never had good eyes... It looked like an average person, most likely a male. He was wearing dark clothes, and now I could se he was definitely moving towards me, on the same sidewalk. The fog was really thick now, I could barely see 10 meters ahead of me. He walked with a slow pace, as if reasoning and wondering about afternoons like this one. He looked familiar, I remember thinking " I might know him". Then, only a few meters away from me he lifted his reflective gaze, and the moment I looked at him, I recognized every single feature on his face; his nose, his mouth, but most of all, his increasingly horrifying eyes as he looked at mine. Then I realized we were wearing the exact same clothes. All of the sudden I felt extremely dizzy, and he appeared to be losing his balance as well. I then understood that I was looking at myself, and even more interseting yet, HE was looking at himself too. Somehow I had crossed paths with myself on a pale and foggy holiday afternoon with nobody around. I felt sick and disoriented as we passed by each other. I looked away, I couldn't cope with the insanity of the moment. I did not dare to look back or stop, and I am certain that he didn't dare to either. I just kept walking by inertia, petrified.
Give me your honest opinion, please...just don't be too harsh.
Uninvited
Sadness cannot be avoided. She needs no invitation. She creeps into my heart, unpacks her bags and settles in. I play her favorite music And treat her to some chocolate. Then we'll sit for hours Thinking about what has been lost, What I lack or think I need. Sometimes we even cry together Although I suspect she doesn't cry But has a chuckle at my expense Or is she happy to know I will not ask her yet to go? Sometimes I cannot sleep With all the noise she makes upstairs She goes through the memories I have stored in boxes She says those memories should stay fresh Otherwise I'd forget who I am.
then I have the looks 
tan lindo,. yo sabia que adentro ,. muy dentro de ti,. hay dulzura,..
