A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out and party with his old   buddies. So he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." 
Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face.
I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of   beer,   brands from 12 different countries:  Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he   could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop.... but at the bar...you   know... they have frosted glasses... " He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy   Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was   getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I   won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise...OK?"
You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took   out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips....etc.
"But my sweet honey..at the bar....you know, there's swearing, dirty words  and all that..."

You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? "LISTEN UP DICKHEAD! SIT   DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT   YOUR FUCKIN' HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T   GOING TO A FRICKING BAR!  THAT SHIT IS OVER...GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"