A 75-year-old man went to the doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.
The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing."
The old man continued, "She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar opened!"
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Not everything I post or say on foro are necesarily true facts. <- THAT is a fact! :blankstare:
It was about a year ago, i went out to a party and got wasted drunk and high .... i'll get to the point, i got the point to which i messed w some guys gurl and got ma as s BEATEN!!!! MORAL of the STORY: Dont get drunk or high to the point u'll do stupid ish like that
damn... yah.. not a good idea Caliche...
Next time you get wasted, stay away from the next mans girl!!
It was about a year ago, i went out to a party and got wasted drunk and high .... i'll get to the point, i got the point to which i messed w some guys gurl and got ma as s BEATEN!!!!
MORAL of the STORY:
Dont get drunk or high to the point u'll do stupid ish like that
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.103.
..:: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself ::..
@ Chile, Genie, Confu & Gitana... those will make great bedtime stories for your granddaughters!!! (If you survive the future...) Just kidding... You guys are making me realize what a goodie goodie I've been... I've got to get me some story like this to pass on to future generations!!!
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Dios nos conceda SERENIDAD para aceptar las cosas que no podemos cambiar, VALOR para cambiar las que podemos, y SABIDURIA para conocer la diferencia.
Guadalupana wrote: notice how all these 'nunca jamas' are about just drinking? my my my, tienen muy malos habits! pobre de sus livers...hay what can I say? we're a party foro! lol.
oh i know, i know...
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The opinions expressed by this poster can be offensive and are mainly directed at Dogo. Delta gamma b i t c h-orama. Copyright 2008 All rights reserved.
notice how all these 'nunca jamas' are about just drinking?
my my my, tienen muy malos habits!
pobre de sus livers...hay
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The opinions expressed by this poster can be offensive and are mainly directed at Dogo. Delta gamma b i t c h-orama. Copyright 2008 All rights reserved.
Gitana wrote: OK HERE IS MY STORY... A FEW YEARS BACK I WENT OVER TO MY COUSINS HOUSE TO CHILL FOR THE DAY. I HAD NOT EATEN ANYTHING BUT FOR SOME REASON I STARTED DRINKING TEQUILA. THE CONVERSATION STARTED THAT THEY WANTED TO GO OUT TO A CLUB. WE ALL AGREED AND I THEN WENT HOME TO CHANGE. I RETURNED TO MY COUSINS HOUSE AND CONTINUED WITH THE DRINKS. FINALLY WE LEFT TO GO TO THE CLUB. AS SOON AS I WALKED OUTSIDE, I FELT EXTREMELY DIZZY....I PASSED OUT ON THE WAY TO THE CLUB. WE GET TO THE CLUB AND AT THIS POINT I COULDN'T EVEN WALK. MY COUSINS ASKED IF I WAS OK AND ALL I KEPT TELLING THEM WAS "I'M FINE, I'M NOT DRUNK". WE GET TO THE ENTRANCE OF THE CLUB AND THE BOUNCER SAYS TO ME "I'M SORRY I CAN'T LET YOU IN, YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK" I REPLIED WITH "NO I'M FINE". AFTER HAVING SAID THAT, I PUKED ALL OVER THE BOUNCER. I WAS THEN TAKEN OUT BY MY COUSINS TO THE DONUT SHOP NEXT DOOR WHERE I CONTINUED TO PUKE. IT TURNS OUT THAT I SAT IN THE CAR TO REST (SO I THOUGHT) I PASSED OUT AND WOKE UP WHEN THE CLUB WAS OVER. THEY HAD LEFT ME SLEEPING IN THE CAR WHILE THEY WERE HAVING A BLAST INSIDE. TO BE HONEST WITH YOU ALL...I THINK THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT TO LATIN FEVER!!!
LOL!!!!
thats a gr8 story Gitana with a happy ending, u got to rest and ur friends got to party
A FEW YEARS BACK I WENT OVER TO MY COUSINS HOUSE TO CHILL FOR THE DAY. I HAD NOT EATEN ANYTHING BUT FOR SOME REASON I STARTED DRINKING TEQUILA. THE CONVERSATION STARTED THAT THEY WANTED TO GO OUT TO A CLUB. WE ALL AGREED AND I THEN WENT HOME TO CHANGE. I RETURNED TO MY COUSINS HOUSE AND CONTINUED WITH THE DRINKS. FINALLY WE LEFT TO GO TO THE CLUB.
AS SOON AS I WALKED OUTSIDE, I FELT EXTREMELY DIZZY....I PASSED OUT ON THE WAY TO THE CLUB. WE GET TO THE CLUB AND AT THIS POINT I COULDN'T EVEN WALK. MY COUSINS ASKED IF I WAS OK AND ALL I KEPT TELLING THEM WAS "I'M FINE, I'M NOT DRUNK". WE GET TO THE ENTRANCE OF THE CLUB AND THE BOUNCER SAYS TO ME "I'M SORRY I CAN'T LET YOU IN, YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK" I REPLIED WITH "NO I'M FINE". AFTER HAVING SAID THAT, I PUKED ALL OVER THE BOUNCER. I WAS THEN TAKEN OUT BY MY COUSINS TO THE DONUT SHOP NEXT DOOR WHERE I CONTINUED TO PUKE. IT TURNS OUT THAT I SAT IN THE CAR TO REST (SO I THOUGHT) I PASSED OUT AND WOKE UP WHEN THE CLUB WAS OVER. THEY HAD LEFT ME SLEEPING IN THE CAR WHILE THEY WERE HAVING A BLAST INSIDE.
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU ALL...I THINK THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT TO LATIN FEVER!!!
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TO SOLVE THE HUMAN EQUATION, WE NEED TO ADD LOVE, SUBTRACT HATE, MULTIPLY GOOD, AND DIVIDE BETWEEN TRUTH AND ERROR!!
LOL!! You ladies are bad! LOL!2 Funny!!!Birthday stories are the best!nothing beats a drunken debouchery on ones bday!!! Cheers!
OK GUYS U THINK THIS IS BAD I PAID THE POOL GUY IN CUBA $10 US TO WATCH HER ALL NIGHT CUZ SHE PASSED OUT ON A LAWN CHAIR AND U THINK ANY OF US COULD GET HER UP MIND U IT WAS JUST ME AND HER WHO WENT EVERYONE WE MET DOWN THERE WERE NEW!! SO I COULDNT CARRY HER THE GUYS TRIED BUT SHE WAS JUST BEING A PAIN IN THE A$$ SO I PAID THE GUY TO WATCH HER ALL NIGHT AND HE DID!! IT WAS JOKES!! IMAGINE IF SHE FELL IN THE POOL OH NO!! BUT YEAH THAT WAS BAD!
Yeah confu that was a classic but nothing beats my 21st bday!!
NEVER GO DOWN THE STAIRS AT PLAZA WITH HER BEHIND U!! LEARNED THE HARD WAY!
Myself, Confu and 2 friend of ours were going downstairs to eat cuz i had too many drinks (lmao whats new) and as im going down the second set of stairs doesnt miss confu go Genie as she tries to pull me she pushes me so i start to slip and manage to turn around and take her down with me as we both fall down the stairs all the way to the bottom!! and i was wearing a skirt!! next day had a nasty bruise! NEVER AGAIN AM I NEAR HER ON MY BDAYS GOING DOWN STAIRS!!
STILL MOST MEMORABLE BDAY! AND THIS YEAR TOPPED OFF WITH THE DISAPPEARING ACT! AND THRUSDAY AT FREGATAS!! LMAO! BUT THOSE WILL BE FOR ANOTHER DAY!
WELL A COUPLE OF YEARS BACK I WAS MOVING AWAY TO LONDON, ONTARIO FOR WORK AND GENIE AND MY FRIENDS DECIDED TO THROW ME A GOING AWAY PARTY.....
AFTER DRINKNG WHATEVER WAS PUT IN FRONT OF ME I PASSED OUT (INSIDE OF PLAZA) IN THE VIP SECTION (YOU KOW WHEN U WALK IN THE LITTLE PLACE TO THERIGHT HIDDEN AWAY) THAT EXACTLY WHERE I PASSED OUT.....
SO ALL NIGHT THEY KEPT CALLING ME TO THE DJ BOOTH EVERYONE WAS LOOKING FOR ME..... SO THE END OF THE NIGHT FINALLY CAME AND WHEN THE SECURITY WERE DOING THERE ROUNDS THERE LIKE UHM I THINK SHE BELONGS TO YOU!!!!
I WAS SO SMASHED THAT THE SECURITY GUARDS HAD TO CARRY ME TO THE CAR.......
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I DONT CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY, IM A PROUD MEMBER OF THE S.L.U.T CAMPAIGN
CHale - OMG the thing I should worry about is that I have a nunca mas moment like every other weekend - LOL!!!
The time that tops it all though was the very first time I ever went to Chile without my parents. I was only 16 and they sent me to visit my family! I got wasted out of my head one day at the beach with some surfer dudes. It was one of my last days in Chile and when I tried to sneek back into my grandmas house the ENITIRE family was waiting for a big surprise send off party!!!! I was soooooooooooo drunk that my cousin had to tell me the retarded things I did at my party the next day! I left Chile and when I went back the next year my tias and tios tried desperatley to keep their kids from going out with me - LOL!!! I never lived down the rep of being the CRAZY CANADIAN cousin........
The surfers were hot though - VIVA CHILE!!!!
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CHI CHI CHI LE LE LE VIVA CHILE!!!!
Proud memeber and supporter of Delta Gamma B i t c h - orama Copyright 2008 All Rights Reserved
Once for a friend's bday I had too many Smirnoff Ice (I had 8) and got extremelly drunk with those, the worst came the day after, I got soooooooo sick.
Since that day I've never had a Smirnoff Ice. Nunca nunca nunca mas me tomare uno.
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Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
LOL definitely my b-day last year @ inside. i don't remember getting into princessa's car or even making it home jajaja i was better this year though....
One year i had to work for new years........there was food everywhere u looked so I just ketp on eating the whole night by the end of the night just before i finish working, some1 had made and extra steak and no1 wanted to eat it, they where going to throw it away.......i took at look at it and it looked sooooooooo good, I said to the guy, u can't throw that away!!!! and he said well no1 one is going to it, even tho i knew i had already too much, i could not see something sooooooo good go to waste so i ate it, by the time i left work i couldn't walk because i was so full. Anyways, my girlfriend at the time came to pick me up and we went home, since it was new years and we didn't go anywhere, she had gotten some drinks, so we drank and went to sleep, as soon as i hit the bed my stomach felt like it was going to explode, all of the sudden I moved to the side and i had to run to the washroom and throw up everything i had that day, I threw up soooooooo bad that I wasn't able to eat for 2 days, before that i was able to eat like a pig now i can only eat a little, thats my never again story.
X@vier
P.S. I think i committed one of the seven deadly sins that night (Gluttony)
Ok here goes mine, fue 1 time que fui a un party I was like 17 en esos times cash era escaso, so compramos una botella de bodka de esas underground era una botella bien grande, so llene un big baso de puro bodka y me lo tome de una ves despues lo llene denuevo y me lo tome otra ves, ****ttt after that everything era todo blury, me sentia bien mariado que yo solito me caiga me desespere y como era un house party en la casa que estaba me meti con todo y rropa a banarme, la cosa que mis amigos me llebaron home carring me cuase I was not able 2 walk, ****tt aferter that one dije nunca me vuelvo a poner like that, ahora tomo pero se mis limites I did not like that I felt so bulnerable and helpless........... Esta es mi historia de nunca mas y hasta ahora no lo e echo ni lo quiero haser hasi...............
After reading Jokers "etapas de borrachera" it reminded me of the time that I got sooooo wasted that I honestly stopped drinking for about 4 months afterwards.
It was on my birthday celebration, so the drinks and shots kept on coming from every direction. And of course, me being the gracious girl that I am, could not say no. Needless to say that I ended up tripping on the dance floor, falling from my chair, wanting to fall asleep under the table, wanting to beat up this guy that accidentally stepped on my girls toe, and being carried out of the club in a semi-conscience state!! LOL! (QUE PENA!)
I swore que NUNCA MAS would I ever drink again! yah right! lol. Wheres da party at this weekend???
my my my, tienen muy malos habits! 
pobre de sus livers...hay 
what can I say? we're a party foro! lol. 
