De los Placeres sin pecar, el mas dulce es el cagar, con un periódico extendido y un cigarrillo encendido queda el culo complacido y la mierda en su lugar.
Cagar es un placer; de cagar nadie se escapa caga el rey, caga el papa caga el buey, caga la vaca, y hasta la señorita mas guapa hace sus bolitas de caca.
Viene el perro y lo huele viene el gato y lo tapa. Total, en este mundo de caca de cagar nadie se escapa. Que triste es amar sin ser amado, pero mas triste es cagar sin haber almorzado.
Hay cacas blancas por hepatitis, las hay blandas por gastritis cualquiera que sea la causa que siempre te alcanza aprieta las piernas duro que cuando el trozo es seguro aunque este bien fruncido el culo será por lo menos, PEDO SEGURO!!!!!
No hay placer más exquisito, que cagar bien despacito. El baño no es tobogán ni tampoco subibaja. El baño es para cagar y no pa' hacerse la paja.
En este lugar sagrado, donde tanta gente acude, la chica se pasa el dedo y el tipo se lo sacude. Caga tranquilo, caga sin pena, pero no se te olvide tirar la cadena.
El tipo que aquí se sienta y escribir versos se acuerda, no me vengan a decir que no es un poeta de mierda!.
En este lugar sagrado donde acude tanta gente hace fuerza el mas cobarde y se caga el mas valiente. Ni la mierda es pintura ni los dedos son pinceles por favor, pendejo límpiense con papeles!. Para ti que siempre estas en el baño:
Caguen tranquilos, caguen contentos, pero por favor, caguen adentro!.
I receive this buy e-mail hope ya like it ...........
quote: Originally posted by: MARILYN MONROE "LOL Read this, it's gross. Mi prima sent it 2 me the other day. Types of Poop The Perfect DumpEvery once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it. The Beer DumpNasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of too many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised..... The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag)Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. It stays with you all day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like "a Japanese Flag." The Empty Roll DumpRelief - you've finished and reach for the tissue only to find an empty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You could use the curtains but then someone would ask "where are the curtains?" Use the rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face.....pull up yer kecks tighten yer cheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you could always use your shirt-tail or one of your socks! The Splash Back DumpThis one drops like a depth charge creating a column of cold water that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet - and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back. Tip of the day: blot instead of wiping. The Childbirth DumpThis one is just too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it. The Machine Gun DumpBest utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn commies. The Sound Effect DumpYou feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop loose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favorite opera. The Cling-On DumpYou've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. You grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little bastard just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the water below. If only you had some scissors....... The Whole Roll DumpNo matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the whole roll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumer waste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anything will do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls, whatever it takes. The Encore DumpAhhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush, wash hands and are about to leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You must therefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores..... The Houdini DumpYou go, you stand to flush and it has disappeared! Did it creep down the pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes as you can guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in. -- Edited by MARILYN MONROE at 09:17, 2005-05-03"
LOL Read this, it's gross. Mi prima sent it 2 me the other day.
Types of Poop
The Perfect Dump Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it.
The Beer Dump Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of too many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised.....
The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag) Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. It stays with you all day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like "a Japanese Flag."
The Empty Roll Dump Relief - you've finished and reach for the tissue only to find an empty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You could use the curtains but then someone would ask "where are the curtains?" Use the rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face.....pull up yer kecks tighten yer cheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you could always use your shirt-tail or one of your socks!
The Splash Back Dump This one drops like a depth charge creating a column of cold water that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet - and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back. Tip of the day: blot instead of wiping.
The Childbirth Dump This one is just too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it.
The Machine Gun Dump Best utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn commies.
The Sound Effect Dump You feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop loose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favorite opera.
The Cling-On Dump You've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. You grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little bastard just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the water below. If only you had some scissors.......
The Whole Roll Dump No matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the whole roll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumer waste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anything will do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls, whatever it takes.
The Encore Dump Ahhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush, wash hands and are about to leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You must therefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores.....
The Houdini Dump You go, you stand to flush and it has disappeared! Did it creep down the pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes as you can guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.
HOW TO POOP AT WORK: > >We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've >all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt >something brewing down below. As much as we try to >convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is >inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, >following is the "Survival Guide" for taking a dump at >work. > >CROP DUSTING >When farting, you walk really fast around the office >so the smell is not in your area and everyone else >gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be >careful when you do this. >Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. >Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left >your pants. > >THE FLY BY >The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. >Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are >others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be >careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may >become suspicious if they catch you constantly going >into the bathroom. > >ESCAPEE >A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the >urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
>sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not >acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to
>the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
>escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or >laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. > >JAILBREAK >When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a >machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of >diarrhea or a hangover. >If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the >stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare >everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. > >COURTESY FLUSH >The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop >hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time >the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help >you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. > >WALK OF SHAME >Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after >you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a >very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and >busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that >the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use >of the COURTESY FLUSH. > >OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER >A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. >You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter >the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their >arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The >Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. > >THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) >A group of coworkers who band together to ensure >emergency pooping goes off without incident. This >group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out >Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS. > >SAFE HAVENS >A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where >you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the >opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex >entering the bathroom. > >TURD BURGLAR >Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall >and tries to force the door open. This is one of the >most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur >when taking a poop at! work. this occurs, remain in >the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you >will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. > >CAMO-COUGH >A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the >bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to >cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd >Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with >an ASTAIRE. > >ASTAIRE >A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd >Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will >remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you >hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the >pooper can poop in peace. > >WATERMELON >A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the >toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. >If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a >diversion. See "CAMO-COUGH." > >HAVANAOMELET >A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud >splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an >Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. > >AUNT LINDA >A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. >Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the >mirror or sitting on the pot. An Aunt Linda makes it >difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should >always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This >benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. >
