In case you didnt know it, here are a bunch of ways to tell if youre gay. Maybe you are, maybe youre not - we dont really care (freedom of expression right?). This is more of a guide. If at least 5 of these things describe you, you just be a homosexual. Congrats.

1. You could care less who Brittany Spears is sleeping with.
2. You understand the differences between 27 brands of imported chardonnay.
3. You can call anyone honey including pets.
4. You know someone who was in the emergency room with Richard Gere the gerbil.
5. You understand the immense importance of quality lighting.
6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of a baseball field and still spot a toupee.
7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit.
8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
9. You really have Been there, Done that.
10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends.
11. Youre the only type of male who gets to say fabulous.
12. You can have naked pictures of men you dont know in your house.
13. You can have naked men you dont know at your house.
14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
15. You understand why God invented spandex.
16. You understand why God didnt intend everyone to wear it.
17. You know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.
18. You know that the most important part of a partys decor is the catering staff.
19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
20. You can smile to let someone know you hate them.
21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
22. Youre good pals with women other people cant stand.
23. Youve always got an opinion.
24. Youve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
25. You know how to dress strategically.
26. Your car has an amusing female name.
27. Youre the only one at your reunion who looks better than you did in high school.
28. Youve got at least one framed picture of your cat.
29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Madonna.
30. You know that sex complicates things. So?
31. You know that being called a cheap slut isnt actually an insult.
32. Theres a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
33. Nobody tells you what to do in bedunless you tell them what to tell you.
34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
35. You have at least one movie musical on video.
36. Youre not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
37. Youre embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
39. You know how to make an entrance.
40. You know when to make an exit.
41. You worry about people you dont even know - like Elton John.
42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
43. You know how to program your VCR.
44. Youve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
48. You know when to play dumb.
49. You know what to do for a hangover.
50. Yes, you do have a condom.
51. Youve called someone girlfriend who is neither a girl nor a friend.
52. One or more of the following apply to you:
a) You adore Famke Janssen
b) You hate Famke Janssen
c) You hate people who adore Famke Janssen .
d) You hate people who hate Famke Janssen .
e) You dont give a damn about Famke Janssen .
f) Who is Famke Janssen ?
53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
a) Bernadette
b) Chita
c) Barbra
54. You made Donna Summer a star.
55. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
56. Tanning salons were invented for you.
57. Youve made sunbathing a performance art.
58. You know when the partys over.
59. You know where to go after the partys over.
60. Youre fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
61. When you hear a stitch in time saves nine you think of
a) Your grandma
b) Your face lift
c) John Wayne Bobbit
62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your roommate.
64. You know that referring to someone as a real lady isnt necessarily a compliment.
65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
66. If your cat is a female, you swear its a lesbian.
67. If your cat is a male, you swear its a lesbian.
68. You sing along with songs that make most females cringe, like Stand by your man.
69. Youve been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings and you have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each.
70. Youll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
71. A two-seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
72. You have a favorite Disney character and its usually a nasty one.
73. Youve left someone totally speechless.
74. Youve shaved something other than your face.
75. All your friends do not have to get along.
76. You have large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
77. Your love handles are actually used as such.
78. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
79. Youve got a large assortment of movie-star biographies.
80. Youve got the most interesting coffee table books.
81. You know where to find a meat rack and it aint in your kitchen drawer.
82. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
83. At some moment in your life youve envisioned having back-up girls.
84. You know your enemies.
85. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And hes right there in the shower.
86 Youre Barbra Streisands biggest fan.
87. You know that Barbra Streisands biggest fan is Barbra Streisand.
88 Not only have you added spice to your life - sometimes youve added side dishes.
89. You know that small talk can be about spirituality or politics, and important issues can be about hair.
90. Youve actually lived out some of your fantasies.
91. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
92. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
93. You know, by heart, every line in:
a) All about Eve
b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
c) Your face
94. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
95. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are non-verbal.
96. You can lip-sync to at least one Supremes song.
97. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.
98. Even if youre in Kansas, youre not in Kansas anymore.
99. You know exactly how many martinis it takes.
100. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party too.