Stupid Christmas Gifts A Clever Winner For Retailer
Tuesday November 27, 2007
CityNews.ca Staff



It happens every year. You've got your entire Christmas gift list planned out perfectly, except that one present for your weird uncle Danny who doesn't seem to fit into any category. What do you get him? How about something really, really ridiculous?

That's the spirit behind stupid.com, an online vendor that promises to sell you the dumbest trinkets that are perfect for that impossible person on your list. What's in their arsenal of goods - or "bads," depending on how you see it - this year?

Here's their so-called Top 10.

1. Mistletoe To Go

For the lovelorn who like to travel around. This device consists of fake mistletoe that comes with its own suction cup. Simply attach it to your forehead and pucker up.

2. The Hillary Nutcracker

Admittedly something you'll really only want to get an American on your list. U.S. presidential hopeful and former first Lady Hillary Clinton can help you come out of your shell. We'll leave any double entendres to your imagination.

3. Slingshot Monkey

Look, up in the sky. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a stuffed monkey dressed like a superhero that flies 50 feet and screams the entire way. Why would anyone want one of these things? It turns out someone does - the company is sold out of them.

4. Larry Craig Action Figure

Remember the U.S. senator accused of a gay dalliance in an airport bathroom? Now you can get a talking miniature sized remembrance of his famous denial, with a small replica of the politician dressed in a T-shirt proudly proclaiming, "I am not gay."

5. Uncle Oinker's Gummy Bacon Candy

Love bacon? Chew on this. Literally. It's a ham fisted attempt to sell you a gum that looks and tastes like bacon. It even comes packaged like a real rasher. Let's see Chiclets do that.

6. Inflatable Moosehead

Finally, the perfect Canadian gift. Now you can put one of these trophies in your rec room, without going hunting or discharging a shot. It's better for you and the moose, and all you need is an air pump, a fireplace and maybe an awful lot of beer.

7. Electronic Yodeling Pickle

The must-have dumb gift of the year. It's exactly what it sounds like - and sound is the key term here. A 6½" plastic pickle that yodels when you press a button. Sounds like a "dill'-y.

8. Poo-lar Bear Candy

There had to be something even more disgusting than the pig candy and this is it. Fill this plastic polar bear with candy droppings and then press down on its head. You can guess what happens next and where it comes from. Also available as a penguin, a reindeer, a bunny and a sheep.

9. Get Off the Phone Excuse Machine

Maybe this one isn't so stupid after all. If you've ever been on the phone with a chatty friend who won't let you off, this is the device for you. Simply press a button and hear a range of reasons to disconnect. You can choose a door bell, a siren, static or a crying baby. Just hold close to the receiver and hang up. But beware the next time someone uses this excuse on you. This item's proven so popular, it's sold out.

10. USB dancer

What would a Christmas be without something for your computer? Probably a lot better than this thing. The bikini-wearing USB pole dancer (top left) plugs into that famous PC port and plays music on your system, which it also dances to.

That's just a random sampling of what's on offer. There's also the delinquent comb (a hair tamer that comes out like a switchblade); the dumb blonde tape measure (completely blank except for a symbol of a human foot when it reaches 12"); the George Bush countdown keychain (how long till he leaves office?); and the tattoo sleeve, which allows you to display body art without getting any needles.

"These gifts are so ridiculously stupid that everyone will want them," Stupid.com founder Gary Apple notes. But there's nothing stupid about his business sense. He's managed to turn these ridiculous gadgets into a thriving business that many are patronizing. Which makes you wonder: who's really the stupid one?

See even more stupid gifts here.

-- Edited by LGigolo at 11:06, 2007-11-27