A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one! of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is greedily gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone. The third is biting off the top. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that gobbled down the top and sucked on the
cone."
To which Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on," but I really like your thinking."
Little Johnny on math (Part 2)
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in math.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'" I said "6", replies Johnny.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2? '"
"What's the f---ing difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
Little Johnny on English
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "To day we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Johnny says, "No, no, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a " blow - job."
Little Johnny on Grammar
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher looked around and Johnny was waving his hand frantically in the air. Reluctantly she said "OK Johnny use the word beautiful twice in the same sentence".
"Well, last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said beautiful, just f---ing beautiful!'"
